In Reply to: this is the thing see......... posted by Holon on December 11, 2002 at 22:07:56:
Again, Holon, I am so very sorry that I wasn't a better mother to you. I am so very sorry that I did not protect you as a mother should. Sometimes the pain of knowing how much I failed you and how much you have been hurt is almost more than I can bear. As someone below said, I think it was Ray, when you think about it all and come to the conclusions of what you have done or allowed, suicide seems a logical option. But it is not, because I still have another child to raise and people around me who need me.
I know that you have forgiven me, and it is more than I ever deserved or expected. I am sitting here crying because I feel so undeserving of that forgiveness. I know that there is nothing in this world I can do to make up for the past, but there is one thing that I can promise you. I am trying my best to be the best mother I can be to you and all the kids now and the best grandmother I can be to your children, and I will not fail them. I will be there for you, and them, and I will protect them with all my might. I love you all very, very much.