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In Reply to: Re: Thanks.. posted by LTO on September 22, 2007 at 15:52:56:
A good place to start would be to accept the fact that you have no control over whether an injured party will forgive you, even if you make a profound, heartfelt apology and offer to recompense the victim for the damage done.
I'm getting really tired of hearing about how much benefit I gain from forgiving my abuser, as though I have a responsibility to take care of the person who hurt me by granting him a "get of jail free" pass. If I decide to forgive, it will be on my own terms, at my own time, and for my own reasons.
And when I do forgive, I'm never so foolish as to forget. If I have to forgive someone "seventy upon seven times," it suggests that I'm a masochist who never learned that the person can't be trusted.
Instead of talking ad nauseum about my need to forgive, why don't you talk about the abuser's need to make an apology and what would constitute a trustworthy act of contrition? If I heard more about that and less about why I should forgive, I might be willing to meet you half way.
