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Posted by Farmer on March 17, 2010 at 15:18:51
In Reply to: Re: HELP posted by aunty T on March 09, 2010 at 15:32:00:
especially from down under!!!
Hi all, i'm hoping not to impose, we're in Australia, and my ex husbands niece just came out of the family 6 weeks ago at 21, leaving her 17 siblings and the only life she ever knew behind in africa. She seems to be going along smoothly. she spends half the week with her grandparents and the other half with me and my kids, she's studying and outgoing and hungry all the time for both food and the world. what should we be aware of? she has let a few little things slip, but quickly moved on, but i'm very aware of the family's ways, and know at some point somethings gotta give. at the moment i'm just treating her as one of my own, but i sense her wariness even tho she seems very out there and open, i'm aware there's a pandoras box waiting to open, any advice??
Dear Tina, great, very great, for how you personally engage yourself in it all...(by the way, how's your ex-hubby's stand on it?)...
Since I belong to the first generation Ex-members...the second really "don't exist"...long time argument of the SGA's...cause they were never asked, whether they wanted to be members...just a certain formality in communication...hard to find the PC-right terminology...anyway...it'd easier for one of her peers to respond, than for someone like me...e.g.I never liked the system too much before TF, while in TF and even afterwards I am very sceptical...though the system at it's nicest (including many/most churches) is better than TF...
Since both of you are women...pardon me...I think she'll talk, if she feels like it...on the other hand, it'd be not very recommendable...my take...to expect it.TFers have learned in TF to take any decent helping hand that there is...and the reciprocate
appreciation and openness is filtered, in TF at least, through various schemes/dogmas of TF...it's called exploiting Egypt...to be understood by the actions of Israel leaving Egypt OT etc. etc....but if you are already more than that...than just a landing platform, I guess you will "hear from her" one of these days.The thing is, you are conditioned by what you know/read about TF...few people understand /accept, that TF wasn't 100% homogenous in all parts of the earth at all times in it's history...sometimes members/leaders did their own stuff contrary to the letters...meaning, sometimes to the worse for the little people and sometimes the slow obedience to the letters/counsel was for the better for the little people...there was sometimes also a great freedom to follow your "own nose" so to speak...so it would take someone, who knows the area she grew up in....plus 2010 minus 21 brings us to somewhere @ 89 for her birthyear/day...that's the time we left (stopped tithing 92)...where Combos still existed...but I think it would be wrong to assume automatically, that she'd experienced sexual abuse, just for having been in TF...Germany is going through one abuse scandal after the other, as far as many catholic instituitions are concerned...but other secular ones were also affected....it's easy to be prejudiced.It's best to be prepared...as you seem to be...for all kinds of "s.it"...even the Loving Jesus revolution BS...is horrific...and not even on the same abuse-level...if you know what I mean.
I think the thing which speaks loudest for you is, that you are there....and willing...may be you enjoy the little stories she must be knowing, by having been in Africa, what it's like...or you know of someone with a vast knowledge about Africa and there could be some special time for this....I think one of the hardest things in leaving is this feeling, to have missed something in life, some opportunities (or feeling bad, to have left loved ones behind)...I don't have too much trouble with that, because I feel, I don't belong here anyway ; ) pls. don't assume I have self-hurting thoughts and tendancies...I just don't care for the success according to the standards of this world...still I think I could have achieved a better job, if I hadn't joined TF...a waste to sigh and grieve about it.
How do i find help for my ex's niece? last nite we had a major emotional event, i wouldn't say breakthrough, because she's still so new to the world, i'm giving her love and assurance, and notes of self belief, but the pressure she feels from herself, and her grandparents, and the words of her beloved daddy, are hurting her, and she really wants to get her 19 yr old sister out of africa, any advice? please
Pressure from herself...in what regard???...and her grandparents???...Maybe she could/should read Celeste Jones et al. book...not without my sister...her grandparents played a good, important role...
Of course her dad would probably want her back in the fold...but there was a time and some letters...where they really left the choice up to the people...even to the new generation...forgot the title of the Zerby/Maria...counsel...I think it was after Ricky's death?...Even before that, in the founding years of TF they had the letter:Your declaration of Independence etc.....so she needs to know, whether she wants to put the words of direct relatives above thoughts and a lifestyle...better suited for us...for TF is really not healthy at all...very simple. To be separated from loved ones always hurts...." a nasty experience" of life...it kind of kills you...but frankly, that's also one of the things I needed...
Sad to say xfamily.org...mostly run by second generationers is not frequented too much...but may be she knows some contacts via facebook...I really hope you all will do well....keep us informed best wishes...
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