Posted by Farmer on March 18, 2010 at 16:26:39
In Reply to: Re: forgot posted by Aunty T on March 17, 2010 at 16:17:00:
My ex and his siblings are angry, and his parents are not the ones to be doing this, so i stepped in, having homeschooled and still have three kids at home.Thank you for your advice, i know how scared she is on the outside, my ex's family is expecting too much of hrright now, last night i was playing with my 14 yr old son and 16 yr old daughter, and she said she wished her mom would play with her like that,i told her well well i dont have 12 children on my own, how can i get her to contact others??
will she be betrayed or offended???
Dear Tina...as you noticed...it took some time for your earlier posts to appear (procedure here for first time posters)...and I wish the reactions to be much more...since I just give you my personal opinion...I hope you get many more...to be frank...I haven't understood at all, why your exe's reaction isn't really in line with your's what she and her future...her life is concerned...are there any illwishes between you from the past and what is the attitude of his relatives towards TF...isn't there enough you have in common???...what are they expecting her to do???
Are they angry because it's another mouth to feed???...some burden???
IMO...that's something she can't have too much now...constant pressure and expectations...when she just came out "of a world" where she had to meet certain expectations and where some exers first think of having missed some highest "calling" etc.
Educationwise...Exers..second generation adults (SGAs) usually have to catch up quite a bit, to match the requirements of the "system"...TF first didn't expect to be around that long in the world...therefore and for other reasons they cut short on that one.The two eldest of my exmate had it tough coming to Germany...they had to learn German from scratch...that was something quite incredible...a big achievement...still it is a pretty long road to master for them the "normal requirements"...though there are quite many who have achieved very high goals...Main point for me is: what does she want to achieve, what are her dreams...wishes???
It also depends on the society she "gets transferred" into..or going back into...quite a leap from Ghana to Australia I suppose.
In third world countries you kind of have the westerner-bonus...white complexion-bonus...all that is gone in a western society...there you kind of land at the bottom.Frankly as I said before, I don't care for the top and really don't understand exers who care for it...kind of the pendulum swinging to the other side....however you have to also meet the bills and expenses...I hope there is some scope for her...job and school/educationwise...what is her attitude regarding this?It also is a matter of participating in a certain social network.I am still a believer and went also for my then little children to a very good "free church" which does a very good job with children, as most members have families with more children than usual here in Germany...so in many ways I got besides a job some sounder contacts, which is important...since my parents and sister (and family) lived in other parts of Germany, when we left TF in 92.
I also had to "overcome" the seperation-"blues" later in 95...besides job-struggles...wasn't easy.My children hardly grew up in TF...so others should rather post about that.
But I do think, that it's quite important to have the right social contacts.I am not of the opinion, that everything in "the system" is just wonderful...quite a lot I consider dangerous enough to be avoided...the eldest of my ex also got not always into the best of company and sometimes I did wonder about the computer-game-nights of my oldest son...something which was also detrimental then for his marks in school...though he made it quite well and broke the habit....Suppose she is regarded as sweet and gullible by outsiders, then that could leave her vulnerable, if someone wanted to just befriend her, to get "his own share" and not really being there for her...others are real bold, big fighters and "cool"...with a very strong character...so I don't know what type she is...but I hope she just senses, who really means very well...including you...
Tina...some other answers I will post on journeys...because I believe human being´s can only help up to a certain degree and I really want to laud you, praise you for the wonderful job you're doing...on the other hand...I have realised so many times in life, how things were far beyond my or any others abilities...I have to go to work now...so later I intend to post a little something on the journey board...as that is the only one, where you can address the faith-factor in life.
Thank you! i'm crying, because, she's let some things out, and we had a cry last week, but i can see the wall is up again, and i just love her, she's here 5 nights a week now, and i just want her to know that we love her, i dont' understand all the terminology that you're talking about, because it's changed, but i do know she heard her father call her a sytemite. and i do know that the reason she's not hearing from her family, is she's ex communicated, she's still in denial, yet seems to know so much about the outside. my ex's family is angry, but i just know she needs us, i guess i just wait, be patient, set boundaries right????
On the jouney board I have said recently again, that I consider TF so much "system-similar"...for they do things, which are not legitamit...and good according to Bible-standard and I think she should take heart in the fact, that she was the really wise one of her family to leave...those who stay are too blind or too young...like her siblings...sorry, but I have to go...even if I'd like to continue ...
sorry for all the typos and other errors...
PS...do you know, whether she went online and informed herself about TF etc.
Replies to this Post:
Post a Reply