Posted by on July 02, 2010 at 11:48:00
In Reply to: Re: Yes, please do posted by Coordinator on July 02, 2010 at 07:23:00:
I remember lying in bed the night before she tossed my bed out of the room. I over heard her talking to women who lived in the household of our spiral leader and his wife. She asked her to tell the leaderís wife what I did and how I "the devil" slipped into their house to cause trouble. I began to cry because I felt ostracized and I was sure I would be made to leave the group. However, the women said something that shocked me. She said, "I'm not going to tell her that." And that was the end of it. I felt a tiny bit of relief and hope to know that she had a little sense.
For a very long time I felt like a loser and that I was nothing. I couldn't hold a job and I couldn't interview well because I felt like all the life and joy was sucked out of me. I think my spirit was broken and I could not understand why anyone would try to do something like that to me. All I could remember thinking was how I dreaded coming home to that house every night. I would day dream about living somewhere in a peaceful environment.
So when I said what I said about that teenage boy I met in the mall with his mother (at least I felt that was his mother) it was sort of a reflection of what I felt living in that house. Although, what I felt radiating over him was a little different and more intense it stirred up old memories of my abuse.
I never knew how much this really affected me until I left and I promised myself that if I ever had any kids (I have a daughter now)I would do my best to protect their psychological well being. By encouraging them daily and making sure that they know that there are people out there that could use and abuse them for whatever sick reasons.
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