Posted by on July 03, 2010 at 06:53:41
In Reply to: Re: Sounds a bit like "Flowers In The Attic" posted by long time exer on July 02, 2010 at 20:51:28:
I left like nine years ago and I stayed there because I thought that my mother was wrong for leaving. Some of my relatives made it easy for me to go back so I did. However, there were a lot of times I wished that I would have stayed with my mom.
As far as help I haven't received any type of help, aside from talking to my husband, this is the most therapy I have had since it happened. I was sort of on the fence about sharing this because I am ashamed but I felt like a hypocrite by remaining silent about my abuse. I still think that the church is a good church.
You probably think me a coward to tell my story and leave parts out like the name of the church but I don't think I am ready to expose that side of myself.
I talk to my mother every now and than but we still aren't as close as I'd like. I am sure some people in the church would shun me if I gave them the chance. But I usually just stay to myself. Other members of my family that are still active in the church will say hello to me but that's about it.
The main woman that I suffered the most abuse under passed away about three years ago I think but I'm not sure because I could not bring myself to attend her funeral.
The most twisted thing about all of this is that after I left and found a place of my own she would ask about me and say she was sooooo happy to see me (joke whatever).
Well, back to the point, I left my abusers home only under their terms which was to find another church member to take me in. But luckily for me this woman was kind and gentle. She understood my feelings towards my abuser because she experienced a little bit of abuse through out the years. Anyways, she let me stay with her until I found a job (rent free). Which by the way my abusers used me for money and when they saw that the money was all used up they had to find a reason to get rid of me.
I didn't have a car so I had to work to labor ready which is a place to get a job for those who could make it there by 5am and wait for a job to be announced. I usually walked with another girl from church and we waited each morning to find a job that day. Another member from our church was there and she had a car. So we thought that she would let us car pool with her but all she said was that those with money up front can ride with her....lol. I was stunned I thought she would at least trust us enough to know that once we cashed our checks at the end of the day that we would give her gas money. And when she did give us a ride she would never drive us home under any circumstances. I would be cold and snowing she would let us walk home from the labor ready building. It was totally crazy the things the member did to one another.
So, I found an apartment and lived by myself for a few months. It was pretty tough because I was in a strange new town without any friends or family that I could "truly" count on. I felt isolated and lonely. My electric was turned off because the little jobs I would get didn't pay much. I had only a high school diploma and no hope for my future. It was totally depressing to say the least.
What really made me break down was the fact that people who didn't go to our church would show more compassion and love to me. This caused me to question the whole persona of brotherly love within the church's wall.
To make this long story longer I moved back in with my grandma and from there I move back home to Houston with my dad and the nightmare of the abuse seemed to finally be over.
I never thought of getting help for my psychological trauma because there weren’t any visible scars. I suppose that would be a great an idea.
BTW it was more like Cinderella than Flowers in the Attic. At least those kids had each other to confide in. I had nothing but the two evil step sisters that would laugh at my agony daily. One of them found me on MySpace and she was trying to be my BFF. I hate that she is trying to be friends with me now. But I hate it even more that she thinks we had good times together and she wants to sit and reminisce with me. All I could think about was how awful I was treated by her and her whole entire family. Makes me sick!!! I just want to tell her "I don't like you so leave me alone!"
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