Posted by long time exer on October 22, 2011 at 18:28:31
In Reply to: Re: My boyfriend grown up in the Family posted by Grazyna on October 17, 2011 at 08:51:54:
I think I saw a question like this at another site and some of the info included that the boyfriend's family left full time membership but stayed connected to The Family. I'd say it was really "normal" for someone from a high demand org./cult where life is very controlled, and then later where associations would mean socializing was likely revolving around The Family, that relationships with your family would be awkward. If your boyfriend has been out and not associated to The Family, I'd be surprised if it didn't bother him a great deal that he does not know his biological father, though within the family, he would likely have been taught that this was "normal" and didn't matter. He may feel very awkward around people who are not at all associated with The Family, sort of like a fish out of water. So it's not weird really. Given time and space to adjust to life outside of TF norms, he may really get to a point of enjoying relationships with your family as long as they are not hyper critical of him.
It can take quite awhile to adjust to a normal non-cult family after coming out of a high demand organization. If you have the resources, you could go to a counselor or therapist with experience with domestic abuse because they understand the dynamics of control freaks and waht life is like for people that get out of a battering situation, and they could help you with your life as far as how you are affected by the cultural differences between yourself and your boyfriend. You can find that type of counselor or therapist just about anywhere. Finding someone specifically experienced with working with cult survivors is not something easily found.
I hope you can give you and your family can give your boyfriend space to get to the point where he can deal with all the feelings and differences between your family and the one that he left.
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