I was thinking about what a friend said to me about prayer, and found that quite interesting--and about people taking the same Bible text and coming up with different concepts of God. Well, everyone thinks differently but of course, the main root for all the differences does not simply spring out of our different opinions, but the fact that we try to make God over into our image rather than allowing him to make us into his image.
God is just like one more commodity out there. We throw him into the shopping cart of our lives because he comes cheap, we're convinced by the advertising that he really doesn't want to be God or Lord; he's like Berg said, the genii in the bottle, you call him up and he says, "Command ye me" as if he was the servant. God is like shampoo in a bottle. We read the text on the back (in this case the Bible) and it says, "God, just add Faith for astonishing results", and we think, "Yeah, I'll take one of these."
I'm being facetious here, but I'm not trying to make light of my own faith or anyone else's sincere faith, but it's kind of how things were in the Family. We used to mock the "abundant life" systemites for their me-first religion, and yet some normal Christians had things prioritized way ahead of the Family. They realized that the main issue of prayer was to connect with God and allow him to work on their character, to make them better people. That way no matter what crap life dealt them they'd be able to deal with it and make it through and sometimes even rise above it.
But in the Family, myself and most people I knew had an attitude like God really was the genii in the bottle (Berg used those actual words) who was there to serve. In fact, check out the "Prayer" section in Word Basics and almost ALL the verses quoted are about 'Getting Things From God,' not about being his sons and daughters and becoming better people as the years go by. The Family under Berg so emphasized only the "providing" side of God's nature and the "supply" side of prayer that they became spiritual users.
It's hard for me, frankly, to pray sometimes. I simply do NOT pray on a regular basis or take "devotions" every morning. In fact, I never take devotions unless sometimes on the toilet. I think my prayers are more honest now. I want God to work on my character. I want to be a better husband and father and I ask for his help. I also pray for him to bless my children's health and spiritual life. I pray for my wife. I even pray for him to bless our finances so we can stop dog-paddling in our bills and get a little tucked away for the future. I guess I really do pray more than I thought I did. I don't think I pray that much though, really. When I do it's not out of religious habit, I don't feel all glowy or good, and asking God for things is only part of why I pray.
I also don't depend on the "whispers" and "still, small voice" as much as I used to. I do stay in line if I really get what we'd call a good, old-fashioned "check" about something, but for the most part, common sense weighs in as much or more so than the thoughts impressing themselves upon my mind. A lot of that was just hyper-spirituality anyway. Berg changed his spiritual postion so much and emphasized hearing from God so much, that we thought that was the way to approach life.
So instead of using prayer as a means to build character so that when the crunch came we'd have the character to do the right thing and make the right choices, we used to just close our eyes during emergencies and pray for "guidance" and listen to the whispers. When we probably ought to have listened to the sane voice of our consience and common sense.
I'm just sort of rambling here and typing out my thoughts as they come. As I say I don't feel I pray much, and I don't read the Bible much. Well, I have so much of it memorized I can just ponder it anyway. And what I don't have memorized I have quasi-memorized. Maybe I just need a break from all that devotional reading.
Maybe I'm just lazy. Yeah, I'm lazy. But my relationship with God may not be as hyped-up "spiritual" as it once was in the Family, but it's at a level I feel real with and it's working. I'm not saying it couldn't be a lot better because I'm sure it could be, but I don't feel pressured to perform for anyone, and least of all for God who probably wants a few moments of sincerity a day and a determination to have a good conscience, compared to long forced spirituality and readings and devotions. Am I just justifying my being so laid-back spiritually and lazy? Maybe. But I still don't feel pressured to perform.
I guess you can see I'm still on a journey myself. I do fret sometimes when long periods of financial drought hit, but I have faith things will work out. I don't have to commit hari-kari when the business fails, and thank God it doesn't look like it will. The bills sometimes pile up and I wonder, "Where did they all come from? God, please, I just want to breathe easy. I'm not asking to be rich."
I think I'm at where a lot of people are. I still want God as my close friend and partner, and I know he's God so ultimately he's the boss in my life. My belief system no longer allows me to command him or try to pray feverishly with my vocal cords strained and my forehead frowning to change his mind. I want more to find his will than to get him to do what I want. But even there, I guess I don't pray as much as I should.
Maybe I'm just in a period of re-sorting on a personal level, but I just can't for the life of me see turning up the heat and putting in the time thinking that I "shall be heard for my much minutes in devotions". It seems forced to me at this time and maybe in a year I'll have some real awakening. Or maybe I'll just discover coffee and wake up better and pray more in the morning. But that's sort of where I am now. Maybe I should go back and read what I've written and try to explain what I've said here so that I sound better and not quasi-backslidden. Ha!
Okay, well, I should be honest and say that I do read the Bible quite a bit still, but I sure as shootin' do NOT read the King James version. Sorry, but I get claustiphobic when I read it. Not because all Berg's doctrines are imprinted on top of those verses and they all come swarming back into my brain like the Mongol hoardes, but simply because the KJV is SO hard to understand! I prefer the New King James or the New International Version for clarity of thought.