In Reply to: Re: the bad side .. posted by ray on August 08, 2003 at 11:07:19:
I understand what you are saying about being "stuck in the painful past" and "reliving the painful moments" and how it's not healthy for an individual. In my personal situation, what I suffered in the Family was not that great. Sure, I wasted a couple decades of my life, but as far as specific burning abuse, there were only a couple cases which I have dealt with and put behind me. In one case, I got in touch with a former leader who had hurt me, and he apologized. Wow! Not everyone has that happen, so I realize I was fortunate. So any specific incidents I suffered were not that great, and the couple that were have been forgiven. I have also been able to contact people that I myself have offended and apologized to them, and have had my apologies accepted.
I have a great life too, great wife, great kids. I have since gone on to be successful in a profession I enjoy working in. It has been many years since I left the Family and I have built a new life, built new dreams and am successful now in ways that count to me. So I do not believe my own personal Family experience has any controlling hold in my life. I am not stuck on "pause" with the pain burning me over and over again.
This would be very different if I had exited with grown children and was daily faced with the pain and results of abuse in their lives. As it is, I remain in touch with the pain by largely visiting the MovingOn board, or by interacting with SGAs whom I know. That's why I cited you examples of abuse I'd read on their board, and like Paul said,"Who is offended and I burn not?" Some people would say that it's unhealthy for me to take on other people's pain. I'm not sure if that's actually what I'm doing. I think it's called empathy. I literally weep when I read some of their stories.