In Reply to: i forgot to ask.. posted by ray on August 08, 2003 at 15:56:14:
Not being able to break free can depend on many reasons. You have to make sure that
1) the person has a viable practical solution to go into in order to separate. With no money, no place to go and children it becomes all the more difficult making that difficult break. (most of us in the F can relate to that to some extent)
2) keeping a line of communication or at least letting the person know the line of communication is open can be helpful when the person feels ready. there are battered women who go to meetings and support groups while they keep living with the perpetrator. It is when they are ready that they can break out.
3) the majority of battered women do leave the abusive situations. It is just that the social phenomenon is so widespread so that uninformed people keep asking the question why do women stay? The question to ask instead would be how can ANYONE perpetrate such evil and such horrors on another human being. THAT is the only question, though at a social level it is always less disturbing to blame an individual or a victim to avoid looking at serious social problems.
4) most women ultimately do not stay but leave in the midst of extreme difficulties and paying huge prices. Shelters are jam packed full of women in these situations. Transitions are very hard, and rebuilding is very hard.
I hope this is of some help to you. Again, the similarities between battered persons and cult members are astounding and there are a few people who are thinking of a better analysis of the issues both categories face and have to live with.
ray, nobody can possibly love 'everybody' - that was one of the biggest lies in the F...these brothers/sisters who could use these important words (I love you, or just 'love') devaluing the affective currency completely - much like inflation - because love...well love is something REAL, and love CARES. It is not a theory or an idea...it is shown thru what a person does. (Leaving an abusive situation, for example, is one of the most loving acts I could do towards myself and my own children.)