In Reply to: difficulties in attitudes toward "THE FAMILY".. posted by ray on September 07, 2003 at 19:34:12:
I have often thought about this point and my general conclusion has been similar to yours but I am not sure that the distinction you make, albeit useful, completely reflects the situation. I am not sure if the distinction is really that clear cut. There may be some “PEOPLE who are to varying degrees caught in this SYSTEM” but since dissension is not allowed, most variations may only exist in how people perceive things and not in how they behave. There is at least one person who has given testimony about not existing the type of pressure others, including myself, witnessed. She was somewhat protected from the non-sense and evil teachings and even received an unheard of gift of $2,000 upon leaving The Family. That is an amazing testimony contradicting many others but also supporting your notion that different people behave differently in different places.
Having said that, I think that your distinction is not proper because the SYSTEM of spiritual deception is one of the causes of the negative social dynamics in The Family. What is commendable is that individuals in that environment can still preserve their own individuality and personality. The commendation, of course, is to the individuals and not to anything the SYSTEM has to offer. On the other hand I do agree that distinctions need to be made in order to understand the behavior of the individuals as opposed to the behavior of the cult itself. Also, individual differences must be considered. While the cult works within the idea that one-size-fits-all and moves towards a homogeneous culture, the individuality of the members is pulling in a different situation.
Berg dealt with these antagonistic forces by kicking people out even since the beginning. Some people he didn’t like got the boot for small reasons and others he liked were never bothered. Nothing has changed with Peter and Maria, didn’t they send troubled kids away just like Berg did? They may be waking up to the fact that they cannot be mean to their own kids now but not because of any natural affection but because those kids know a lot. In any case, the fact is that there are these two forces pulling behavior apart, the teachings of The Family and the individual differences of Family members.
I know you said that the distinction you made works for you but this might be a more accurate and even useful distinction. Some people are more subdued or perhaps the life style is more attractive, easier, etc. to them. They stay not necessarily because of the actual doctrines but because their friends are there and they provide the environment for their own happiness and fulfillment. Many testimonies support this notion too. I don’t want to leave out the spiritual aspect you mentioned but if I have to use it, I cannot see how a well of bitter water can also bring forth sweet water. What I can see is that people promoting, even unwillingly, evil doctrines cannot be promoting God’s work but can be on their own road to Damascus. This is the only way I can explain it and can justify my own participation on their works. I am, after all, the steward of my own stewardship and alone responsible for that. I cannot expect others to take that on but I neither can I blame others for my own decisions. Of course, that standard also applies to individual members so that the point you make, that Family members are both predators and victims, is sad but still doesn’t exonerate them/us if they/us did something wrong or even criminal.
This is even more critical when considering your call that “amongst that population i believe are both seriously misled idealists w/ a wide variety of inner convictions and motives, as well as some cynical and abusive manipulators.” I totally agree with you. As a Christian myself, I will even say that you are right about the approach to engage them. The example of Jesus is loud enough on how to engage them as individuals. I have to say that I have tried that and failed miserably so far and the main reason, as I see it, is that I have no inroads into Family members. Perhaps you do and it works well for you.
While realizing the individuality of Family members is important, I think it is equally important to realize that the Family System. I take exception with the idea that idealism is enough to spare the truth from individual members. Shouldn’t The Family system be exposed instead of overlooking it as some sort of container or support structure and a necessary evil? Focusing on individuals does not preclude from exposing the sins of the System. In fact it is necessary to do so because otherwise the idea that there is nothing wrong with the system is perpetuated.
To finalize, I am not saying that focusing on the individual is wrong. Neither am I saying that focusing on the group is wrong. What I am saying is that while focusing on the individual let’s not forget that the sins and the evil teachings of the Family also need to be exposed. Conversely, focusing on exposing the group while forgetting the rights, pains and individual differences is also wrong.
Either one of those void of their counterpart is a false balance in my book but unconditional love is a powerful ingredient when dealing with the individual loved ones.