In Reply to: Re: What happened to the old Family "leaders"? posted by Freeatlast! on September 14, 2003 at 18:54:12:
When I left, I felt like I was "wrong" for leaving, but was real numbed out and on the verge of falling into a big bowl of shredded sanity. I remember making the decision to leave and thinking that I just needed to get away for awhile because I felt like I was about to lose it. I was at absolute overwhelm. The automatic thing for me was to leave my books and lit behind because I "knew" it would be wrong to take them with me since I was leaving. I had seen too many people crack up and fall over that edge.
In hindsight, I wish I had taken the lit with me, but that was not the reasoning I was dealing with when I left. There was such a pressure that to leave was to condemn your kids and yourself. I was a big ole case of burn out. I even thought I would go back after a break, because i was on automatic pilot as far as thinking went. To leave was tantamont to killing my kids. God could kill them and me in judgement for leaving. They would be ruined in American society. But they are thriving now. Nevertheless, years after leaving, when they went thru their hard young adolescent years, I had those nagging internal self-judgements that were so ingrained. It didn't take long to start thinking with some clarity, but I had to get away first. I am so glad you are here with the latest updates and I want to be supportive to you. :)