In Reply to: To Anovagirl posted by Acheick on September 25, 2003 at 09:31:16:
That's a really tough one. People who are caught up in an abuse cycle are kind of like a rag doll caught up in the whorling vortex of a cyclone. (I speak from personal experience here.) The psychological forces that keep the cycles of abuse going are much, much stronger than either of the individuals involved in the relationship. (The whole is much greater than the sum of its parts.)
The way people get out of these things is through linkage with strong social support that is independent of the marital relationship. In the woman's case, it would be a support group made of women dealing with abuse issues. The group would include women who have successfully broken free as well as those who are still trying to figure out what to do next. Groups like these are typically found through domestic violence networks. These groups also have access to resources, like housing alternatives, etc.
If the husband abuses alcohol, I'd suggest Al-Anon. It's free and provides a similar form of social support. No one pressures you to "leave the bum", but simply shares their experience, strength and hope in dealing with the problem of an abusive spouse. Over time, individuals find the courage to change.