If there were one thing I had to do over again in the time period shortly after I left the Family, it would be to watch out for what I call "overcompensating."
An example- my kids discovered television when they arrived at Grandma's house, where we lived for the first few months after we left the Family. She could hardly believe they had never watched it and didn't even know how it worked, and with all good intentions bought them one for their bedrooms. Well now, several years later, they are still addicted to the boob tube. They watch it any time they are home, have it running all night in their bedrooms, etc. All because when I first left the Family, I did not want to "deprive" them of "normal" things any longer. And in that first press of getting started basically from scratch, I just hadn't really thought through what things from Family life should be discarded, which kept, and which modified. The "NO TV" rule, in my opinion, should have been changed to a "in moderation" rule. So much TV watching simply is not healthy, gets in the way of homework, deprives them of enough sleep, etc. etc.
Even the idea of giving the kids much in the way of rules was tough for me at first after I left, and to some extent still is; they'd had so many rules before. I overcompensated and have been struggling to find the balance ever since.
Anybody else experience this, any thoughts? This isn't really just an "ex Family" type question, how to set and enforce reasonable limits for kids (mine left at home are 16, 11, 9) is a general parenting question. But it gets a few added complicating wrinkles, at least for me after 23 years in the Family.
- Laura