In Reply to: Understanding my fiance posted by LisaQ on November 24, 2002 at 21:25:42:
LisaQ, your fiance has a very wonderful gift in someone like you. You may not understand how precious it it that you, who were never in the Family, have a deep love for him and have been willing to accept him with his past "baggage." The fear of so manyof us ex-members of the cult is that we feel no one (who has not been in the group) could begin to understand us. There are so many stereotypes out there about cult members and former cult members, that even well-meaning loved ones sometimes hurt us by repeating them.
What you described in your fiance is by no means unique, and perhaps if I knew more I could give you more specific advice as relates to him. But one sentence stood out to me. You said: "He insists that there was never any abuse. But every now and then he comments on how he was the black sheep and always told how terrible a child he was."
Lisa, if you have reason to believe he is honest and truthful, then perhaps this is revealing. He may not have been sexually abused in the group (some kids were, some were not) so that could be right. But if he insists that he was the "black sheep" it could be that he was branded in the Family as a "bad kid" who didn't obey and bucked the system and was always getting in trouble for it, and psychologically abused and physically abused/beaten/punished as a result. It could be that simple. If he tells you he was a "bad kid" it could be because that was drummed into him so much.
Do you feel free sharing more about this? Does any of what I say ring true so far?