In Reply to: the Ozzies prepare to do battle posted by exer on January 04, 2004 at 14:32:52:
As the two Ozzie Shielas, Lydia, a staunch Lutheran, and Eva a staunch former church-goer who went to church 5 times a week, owned 10 versions of the Holy Bible & marked them all yellow with both markers & her own studious sweat, as these two Shielas fit through the ropes & eye each other in the Ring, the hush begins to settle in the crowd.
Amongst the "great cloud of witnesses" watching from the heavenlies are, understandably, several Ozzies. Well, not that many, being most secular desecendants of some of England's worst criminals, beer-drinking, fly-swatting Abo-hating bastards that they are, no...there are not many Ozzies in the crowd,but from the smell of beer in the place, you really would swear this was central Adelaide during the height of summer.
Wait! that beer is from one Martin Luther, who has just staggered drunk into his seat.Yes, folks, tho Luther unfortunately went rather ape-shit over the Jews, he was after all a great German beer drinker who would rather un-Protestantly fill his belly so full of beer that he couldn't keep his monk's rope tied any more, which is very likely the real reason he quit being a monk & became the World's most infamous Protestant.
So now we see Luther stumbling over a skinny man in a white robe.
Luther: Ach! Was in himmel? Ist dis seat taken?
Ghandi: No, you may seat here. You may also punch me & slap me if you wish, and I will smile & say nothing.
Luther: I just might do dat! Are you Catholic?
Ghandi: Would I be here in heaven if I were?
Luther: Dis ist not heaven. Dis is a neutral spirtual boxing place.
Ghandi: Ah, then that would explain the presence of Pakistanis.
Luther: You're Ghandi, aren't you? Mahatma Ghandi, the little guy who starved himself all the time. (Pats his own roturnd belly.)
Ghandi: (offering his hand.) Yes, pleased to meet you. What are you doing here?
Luther: I'm here to see ein good Lutheren girl, Lydia, sock it to that heathen heretic, Eva St. Luke's.
Ghandi: Eva St. John. Actually named after the only Gospel she will still quote. I am Eva's spirit helper. Are you Lydia's spirit helper?
Luther: Ach! Ve Protestants do not belief in spirit helpers. I'm just here to watch. (Jumps to his feet.) LYDIA! You give it to that wench for me, you hear? Get her good! She accused me of murdering 1,000,000 Peasants in the Peasants' Revolt!
Ghandi: You really did that?
Luther: (sighs) No. I didn't. All I said to the German princes was, "Kill them like dogs."
Ghandi: Ah, I understand....
Luther: How could you, you pacifist worm, laying on the ground & letting the British punch you?
Ghandi: Ah, I belonged to a Hindu-Muslim sect, & I got the idea into my bald little head that India must be preserved as one nation at all costs. Call it pride, whatever. I figured being a Hindu-Muslim I'd appeal to both Hindus & Muslims .... (sighs)
Luther: And?
Ghandi: Yeah, about a million died because I tried holding India together instead of letting them go their own ways.
Luther: No way!
Ghandi: Way.
Luther: So you an' me.... we both made our, well, little mistakes. Oh wait! Look! The fight is starting.
(Both Ghandi & Luther begin shouting, and leap to their feet, cheering their respective Shielas.)