In Reply to: Common ground????!!!!! & THE SCREAM posted by Farmer on January 11, 2004 at 01:19:55:
Hey, my comment was basically just to say that the real damage had nothing to do with the sexual orientation, but primarily coercion in that rape is rape whether a woman is coerced to have sex with a man, or a woman, or any combination. It is all damaging. The primary issue being force. (At least with regard to which part of the message I was speaking about.) The same goes for men who were also victimized in the family.
Also another thing I think is important, at least for me in my recovery, is to realize that I wasn't STUPID for what I "swallowed". I don't see any of us as having been stupid or ignorant or evil bad people to have been caught up in that group. I think we all deserve lots of credit for getting OUT and working to get our lives together in spite of the losses. What I once was involved in, I now have a vaccination against because of my experience in the family and a desire to recover from it. I think self-esteem was something that was totally annihilated in us while in the family. So what I want to be more like to myself and to others now, is positive and esteem building, as some others have said.
If my self-esteem is okay, then if I lose a job, lose my health, don't become a rocket scientist or mover and shaker after leaving the family, then I will feel good about myself regardless.
After all the humiliation, degradation and such from the family, I am all for building and creating a healthy self and believe that it is well deserved. ;)