In Reply to: Re: Another c.o.g. survivor , 1971 - 1973 posted by AG on January 28, 2004 at 12:12:54:
Hi AG,
I really like your message, and I see that we seem to think very much alike. I feel the same way you do about the COG "leadership", and I agree the entire hierarchical structure of the COG was clearly fascist, and so also completely antichristian.
No, sadly I haven't read Deborah's book, and in fact I had not heard of it until I arrived here. I am not surprised though, nor do I doubt at all what you report she said about DB. Obviously the problem with the hierarchy, was a reflection of DB's egotism, I now see in hindsight.
Somehow though, despite the firm military style hierarchy, some shepherds managed when possible, to be good loving examples. As time progressed though, DB got worse and worse, and even the good shepherds were forced to comply, with outrageous demands for money from M, and the enforcement of new edicts in the name of DB.
I discussed with one major shepherd, and a few notable "bellwethers", the possibility that Mo had died and was being impersonated by M; Yet we were too fearful to rebel openly, for we were so brainwashed as to think that to do so, was to rebel against God Himself. Now these discussions occurred before M apparently emerged later, after I left, as some sort of big deal. When we first began to hear of her, many of us thought so where is DB's wife? What is this stuff? Are they a couple? Then the letters began to get very bizarre.
I met Deborah on one occasion, as she was on some sort of world tour of colonies. It seemed clear to me then, that she was personally troubled with grief about something, despite her warmth and affected cheer. She notice that, and that I shared her un-stated concern, and she consoling me asked me to be patient, for the sake of God's work. I liked her, and I hated to see her leave. This was shortly before the release, of the then suppressed, Revolutionary Sex ML .
I have to tell you that until now, I had no idea there was a directive issued to purge leadership in effect, and I had never heard of the restructuring. We were told that some shepherds had suppressed the RS ML, and that was all. Obviously despite having forsaken my career and a large amount of money, I was never fully trusted.
I really appreciate your willingness to be open minded AG, and I am sorry for being so long winded, but I want to say something else as well. I am nobody special and I know it. Like many, if not all of the excog out there, I was for years after leaving, extremely suspicious of the bible, God, and anything having to do with anything remotely related.
Although I was only in the COG for 3 years, I had a hell of a time adjusting to life outside after leaving. I really really believed with all my heart, the ideal we began with, and before forsaking all, I had never felt myself a part of the world anyway. Joining was easy and joyful, but leaving was both difficult and extremely traumatic emotionally.
After leaving I drifted, and I smoked a mountain of pot attempting to nurse my wounds, until I finally got tired of it quit. I always despised the churchy churchy show, and so, I having no one to turn to and unable to fit in anywhere and relate to life outside, became a literal hermit. I spent years completely alone living in the Rocky Mountains, just dealing with my feelings as best I could, and also reading many books.
In 1980 when Reagan became President, I began having extremely vivid dreams about him, over and over again, the same dream every night. Now I know this sounds absolutely ludicrous, but these were narrated by someone who claimed to be Jesus. I could not accept this, and I was very worried that I was going insane, and I tried finally to just ignore all of this, and put it completely out of my mind.
The dream kept expanding though, and began to include a warning that George Bush senior, then vice President, would be nominated 'and' elected President, and that he would then bomb Iraq.
When he was nominated against all odds, even the press having said he was too wimpy looking, not Presidential timber, and as an ex CIA director stood no chance of being elected and so could never hope to be nominated, I very astonished, then began to listen. As instructed in my dreams, I returned to the system and living in the streets, began to warn everyone that Bush would be elected and then immediately bomb Iraq, to eventually take over the entire world, through gaining control of the very basis of the world economy, that is Oil.
I was laughed at, verbally abused, shoved around, spat upon, threatened with death, and falsely arrested and 'then' raped by the arresting "officers", and even thrown into mental wards for the weekend on several occasions. Before heaven, AG, what I have told you is an honest account, and you can count on M getting hers soon, as surely as you can count on the U S military attacking Syria, in the very near future.
I know I must seem crazy to some people, but I have ever since 1982, been warning people of the things you will find on my webpage, and I would have great doubt myself, if so much of it had not already come to pass, exactly as he told they would.
Natasha
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warning - religious views you may not like.