In Reply to: Repost from GenX posted by ssam on February 16, 2004 at 08:32:37:
Your opinion does indeed address a controversial topic, and that is--among other things--how people reach the point where spiritual healing from abuse makes forgiveness of the perpetrator a possibility.
"Following (Jesus') example, I believe that if forgiveness is available, it should be instituted."
What if forgiveness is not available? What if
the wound is so deep, raw and painful that one can scarcely imagine how to move on? There are stages in healing, and true forgiveness comes toward the end of the process, not up front with the recognition that an horrific injustice was done in God's name.
Justice and retribution (vengence) are not the same things and should not be confused. Justice means setting the record straight, under rule of law and through ethical means in various forums of human affairs. I may be wrong, but I believe that when SGAs seek justice, they are asking that their stories be heard and that the crimes committed against them be acknowledged by the larger society--not just among those few FGAs who have repented their foolishness. What happened to SGAs growing up in TF is a world-class lesson in the limits of religious freedom and the responsibility all adults have to protect the rights of children to physical safety, education, and freedom from economic exploitation.
Adult victims of childhood abuse may also have a desire for revenge, which is understandable, however much it may not be supported by your understanding of the Gospel. I do not support revenge either, even if I do understand the desire for it on the part of childhood victims.
The larger issue in my mind is, Who's version of history will prevail? The lies, rationalizations, and public relations' cover-ups of Family leadership, or the naming of names and detailing of abuses suffered by SGAs in public records such as this and the Movingon website?
In the recovery process, there is this thing called "naming your demons" that entails labeling who and what it is that has hurt and terrified you. Just as the example of Jesus in the Gospels shows us that calling a demon by name brings power over the fearsome spirit, so naming the "demons" of a childhood in The Family gives power over the fear, humiliation, and shame that are embedded in memories of abuse. As far as TF is concerned, the true "power of the keys" to bind on earth what is bound in heaven is to name what has been done on earth in the name of heaven.
There is a really important difference between the humiliation you experienced as an adult from Sara D and what children growing up in TF experienced from adults under Sara D's influence. The two woundings are not comparable. As an adult, you had all sorts of internal coping mechanisms and social supports that were fully developed and operational when Sara D decided to rip you a new a-hole. Not the least of which was your mature faith in God and ability to access that transcendent grace that now empowers your forgiveness.
Children do not have this advantage. Adults abused as children may NEVER develop the capacity to trust in a higher power, and a little sermon on God's mercy and divine justice won't suddenly give them peace of mind. It is a fact that survivors of childhood abuse have many more serious psychological and spiritual obstacles to developing a trusting, loving relationship with a higher power than do those who did not grow up abused.
If adult survivors do gain the capacity to truly forgive their perpetrators, it comes through a long process of spiritual healing and psychological recovery. But it depends on how much damage was done--how profound the shattering of the victim's heart and how severe the crippling of his/her ability to trust in a higher power. It is equally true that many adult survivors never get to the point where they feel that forgiveness is necessary or desirable.
Where you are is a good place. It's just not fair to suggest that others should walk the path you have walked when you cannot know how many more spiritual road blocks have fallen along the course of their life's journey.