On the Moving On site Jules wrote a very thought-provoking article called "undue influence". I suggest you read it... we all can relate to it.
I have a reaction to this article as I was thinking of these same things in these recent days. I was remembering how unrevolutionary I felt if I had different feelings than what was the latest revolution or push.
I can see how because of my training living with shepherds, and seeing them as "god's representatives", that I've overly sensitive to other adult's or even my husband's remarks to me. I easily feel hurt and take it too hard... as if it was the "Lord" speaking to me. Like Jules said... hey, maybe that person is just having a bummer day, or has a headache or something.
Also, I remember how "my thoughts" were often different than the Letters and I always felt so out-of-it because I just wasn't "in-tune":
I started hating living in huge combos "blobs" as it just too so much effort to support and keep up. I remember looking in the old ML's and Berg talked about the blobs and how ineffective they were. I happened to mention this to Josiah who was the leader then, and he said that we needed "blobs for the job". I cringed at the thought of living in more blobs. So, just around the corner was "the Jumbo" and then "the HCS". I just felt like I was surely "out of it" for thinking such selfish thoughts.
Then, as I was getting older and menopause was coming my way, I felt my sex drive to be down to a bare minimum. I was happy that for "security sake" we didn't have too much sharing... but low and behold... here comes the LJR and having sex with Jesus. Pubs were written to promote how wonderful this all was and here I was in the midst of middle-aged crisis and sex was the last thing on my mind.
Maria put out several FSM's and even GN's about menopause and how because we have Jesus we shouldn't have to feel the same affects as the "world" does. Boy, did I ever feel unrevolutionary and really old-bottlish. If Maria herself still felt horny all day... of course we should, too!
Those letters about not relying on our feelings and "seeing things by faith" were always in my mind... I just told myself that I didn't have to "feel" like it... just DO it. Oh god.. what a works trip!
When I was a swinging single, young and energetic.. it was easy as pie to go out FFing... I got my needs met! I never could understand how the married folks went through jealousy trials because
after all, Berg wasn't jealous and he willingly gave
his wife for others.
Even as a childcare worker, and not having my own children, I had a hard time understanding how some parents would interfere with discipline and what the "shepherds" thought should be done with their children.
I am so so sorry for my insensitive feelings. Only when I started feeling different than Maria or whatever the GN's said, then did I understand what others were going through. I always thought I was so revolutionary and that I was a new bottle.
Now when I read how others felt and what they went through, boy are my eyes opened!
So, all this to say that the Family had had "undue influence" in EVERY aspect of my life and it's going to take a lot of "undoing" to see what is true and natural and what was cult doctrine".