In Reply to: Can anyone relate? posted by Fred on March 30, 2004 at 10:13:35:
yes, brother! in spades! change a little of the arithmetic, and you have a story common to many! you raise some very thorny issues, and questions that have been wrestled w/ not just by exmems, but many thinkers and theologians thruout the ages! i'll give you my two cents worth anyway...
the "God's will" thing is perhaps the most difficult, imo. in the fam , and in many other christian circles, this concept takes on an almost fatalistic air.. something almost magical, to be discovered like the secret runes in a medieval fantasy. the whole free will/ predestination thing has libraries trying to untangle the mystery. but like so many truths, there does seem to be both paradoxical side to it, seemingly contradictory truths held in balance by each other. we seem to be left w/ a certain amount of mystery, that can only be effectively navigated w/ a certain amount of relational trust. the problem is, how are we to "trust" after being caught up in deception for so long? do you recall in "two towers" when frodo and sam were struggling thru the mountains, lost and wandering, ad sam says to frodo something like "gandalf couldn't have willed for us to end up in this mess" and frodo, flashing on gandalf's struggle with the dragon, replies something like "there are many things that gandalf did not will, but that happened anyway." blame it on adam and eve, but we live in a fallen world, where bad stuff happens to good people, and good intentions don't gaurantee outcomes. (at least in this age.)
but what can we do? curse god and die, as job's wife advised? or, cry a little, dust ourselves off, do what must be done, and who knows, but that as we go, he will come along side s like those guys on the road to emmaus, and open the scriptures, and open our hearts as well. if we can realise that not all is lost, (the kids are a good thing, right? at least most days!!) we learned much about many things including ourselves. we saw the world in ways most will never experience. (if bush had lived in a home in the mideast, i doubt we'd have been in a war i iraq...) and i think most would agree that we experienced amazing answers to prayer, and despite some huge blunders, also had lessons of faith and love that have contributd to who we are. even our understanding of the dynamics of deception are a wisdom that is rare in the world.
i believe both theologically and experientially that God was indeed with us thruout our sojourn, and depite our wacky , wierd, and wounded existence and beliefs. looking for opportunities to get thru the fog, and guide us into greater light, but meeting us according to our dsire to please him. personally, the fabric of ourlives seems to be such a closely woven conglameration of good and bad , of clear guidance and dark stumbling, that i've finally concluded that only in the life reveiw that lies ahead will we be able to really recognize the "angels of light" and the "angels unaware." sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
as far as the bible goes, i think that occasionally looking up the original language can help. commentaries are useful in thinking thru passages. but by and large a simple understanding of the context, and perhaps a reading in a few different versions (have you looed at "the message" yet? very helpful to catch the overall gist of things..) and of course a sincere desire to grasp and follow, are hugely helpful. i agree w/ twain i think it was, it's not the parts i don't understand that trouble me, its the parts I DO that i find the hardest!
on the job thing i can relate! i struggled w/ careers as a tomato picker, floor cleaner, odd jobber, etc b4 finally "stumbling" into a business that has paid the billsand offered a lot of stimulation and satisfaction as well. it always encourages me to see how God has come thru for so many of us ill equipped exmems! i know he will for you as well.
hang in there bro. some good reading is "ragamuffin gospel" by brennan manning, "what's so amazing about grace" by phillip yancey, and "disappointment with God", also by yancey.