In Reply to: Legacy posted by Orizon on July 14, 2004 at 21:56:01:
Hi, Orizon.
That really was a beautifully-worded, but very sad, poem.
I do have a few questions about it; OK?
Are you anticipating that the memory of your death, which, of course, we all face eventually, will inspire those who know you, who will be left when you pass on?
What is the "coming darkness" you speak of? Is it the actual death experience, as you are dying in this future scene, that you are speculating on; here?
Or, do you anticipate that you will merely cease to exist, after your inevitable death experience, that "at least" your corpse will "send flowers", that God, as only "the Great Spirit", sadly unknowable, will magically change all your past and all the consequences of all your free-will decisions?
You penned here with the derivation of the name of a beautiful constellation; Orion.
Your beautiful name sounds like the word "horizon" (like from the Mo' Letter "Lost Horizon Found"), plus the word "orion"; kind of like a person whose hippie parents in The Family might have named her after that Mo' Letter, and after Daniel 12:3, which we all memorized.
Is that true; Hon?
Darlin', are you trying to get a message to your parents here, because First Gen ex-members usually post here; especially those whom God is dealing with regarding their return to a real faith, NOT based on David Berg's tyranny and horrors?
You came to the right place; if so. We don't want you to hurt yourself, or prepare to hurt yourself by imagining things that may not be so; OK?
Peoples' memories of us fade, Darlin'. Even the memories of families, friends and loved ones, about us. I remember stories about people forgetting what dear ones' faces actually looked like--it seems that can fade!
If you ASK them, I am sure they'd prefer to actually see YOUR sweet face, instead of a picture of a dead person.
And, like I've had the opportunity to tell others who WERE thinking about harming themselves, to death, MOST ways don't leave you looking very pretty, and THAT'S the memory that is left; sadly, and that kind of memory leaves a deep pain that never actually fades; I'm told.
Have you ever read that Dylan Tomas poem, the one where a son is begging his dying father NOT to die? I remeber the lines,
"Do not go gently, into that good night!
Rage, rage, against the dying of the light!"
That's how MOST people feel about their loved ones. Death's going to be the last ENEMY to be destroyed, little sis.
Death will NEVER be your friend; nor mine.
In my second marriage, I married a widow. She tells me that her late husband's death left her, unreasonably, MAD AT HIM!!!
And, he died of an unpredictable Myocardial Infarction; a heart attack--it was NOT his fault! My wife said it took her YEARS to get over her anger, at him, and at God.
So, Orizon, don't assume that, just in case you MIGHT be thinking about suicide (forgive me if you're just exploring, like, Goth poetic reflections on the "romance and angst of death"; itself! OK?)--DO NOT ASSUME--that those you leave behind will not suffer years of bitterness against you, and even against God; Who really has given us the ability to choose. You might just CAUSE them to wrongly blame themselves, or God.
Or you.
People are less predictable than we think; sometimes.
If you've just been really burned by the Family, and have given up at this time on certain kinds of hope in your life, you came to the right place; Darlin'. So have most of us. And, most of us have also done stuff we wish we had not; as well.
The "Great Spirit" can't help you there, and only the REAL Jesus can help you find forgiveness. For yourself, and for others. Even lousy parents.
Orizon, the whole limitless universe was cursed in the Fall. The Fall of Adam. It was real. Jesus is called, among other things, the Second Adam; the "life-giving spirit!".
You know I'm not talking about The Family "jesus"; don't you? I mean the real Jesus.
The whole, and, yes, beautiful cosmos, is cursed, and God Himself will change it. It WILL NOT "remain vital, living [and] always growing".
The NEW one WILL; though! I hope you're around to see it with us! If the Family did indeed hurt you, like I think they might have, please don't let their false prophet pervert madman, who opposes everything that you believe that YOU stand for, judging from your poem, like respect for truth, honor and immortality (see Romans 1), make your last decision on earth FOR you; OK?
Then they will have truly won, and you'll have wasted your life, and also your life's end; Hon.
You ARE "your spirit"--"spirit" and "soul" aren't really divisible, or distinguishable (yes, I know what Hebrews 4 says! That's God's point of view, not OURS, IMO.).
So, here's hoping for you, from an old suicide Hotline counselor.
I was suicidal myself, for about five years!
That's 365 daily decisions times five; every day, to keep hoping!
You can do it, Orizon! We're pulling for you!