In Reply to: Murmur???? posted by porceleindoll on July 18, 2004 at 00:20:14:
You certainly have a right to every iota of your anger. I am amazed at how much you have done with your life having not been out of the family all that long. You seem wise beyond your years. Perhaps in part, that is from having to have grown up when you should have been playing, going on dates, to dances, parties, games, etc. Those are all real losses too. The way I feel about it is that IF there is a loving God of any sort, that loving God would understand where all the anger is coming from and even if you told that God "You don't exist to me, Fuck you, you were never there, I hate you", or the worst imaginable thing, that loving God would understand why you feel that way and would be just as angry about all the shit that happened in the name of "love" which after the family has become just another 4 letter word to so many. For sure "God" is not all-powerful because if so, that would make God a monster.
I am agnostic myself, though at times I relate to a great spirit sort of concept which is no being at all. I guess that is a non-religious Zen sort of approach though I have not studied that.
It is hard growing up and having to nurture yourself after years of being torn down and surviving all of just the little bit that I know you have been through. I think you are very brave and courageous.