In Reply to: More on prayer posted by Miguel on August 17, 2004 at 16:56:40:
I've been having a number of health problems lately. I felt like crap when I dragged myself into work today. I am trusting the medications and physical rehab to work. I think there is a spiritual dimension to healing, but I am very careful about who I let touch me on that level.
A co-worker noticed how much I was struggling to stay on my feet and asked me if I'd like to join her in a prayer group during lunch. She told me some folks would be reading John Chapter 3 and praying together. I thanked her for the invitation, but declined.
It was hard to explain my reason, but it boiled down to this: I have trouble trusting people who engage in the intentional creation of Christian community. I'm sure they're well-intentioned people. I just don't want to deal with all the negative feelings that come up for me when everyone in the room is doing Christian God-talk and praying in that tradition. I feel crappy enough as it is.
I picked up today's paper and read about an amendment going on the November ballot to change my state's constitution. Enough signatures were collected, so we're going to put the Judeo-Christian definition of marriage to a popular vote in my state. It's not enough that common-law marriage isn't recognized in my state. It's not enough that my state legislature passed a Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA law). No, we need to be absolutely certain that no one who works for a state agency will ever get domestic partner benefits, even if they're a heterosexual couple, but especially if they're queer.
I got a terrible knot in my stomach, because I don't experience the movement to recognize the Judeo-Christian definition of marriage in the abstract language of theological debates and constitutional amendments. This movement is extremely hurtful to people I know and love. This movement is hurtful to me personally, because I cannot separate the mean-spirited fear I perceive as its motivation from the Christians who are claiming to love the sinner but hate the sin.
I realize not all Christians are of the same opinion on this issue. The coworker who invited me to her prayer group is one of those liberal types who supports homosexual rights. But it is an unfortunate fact that the God-talk shared by all Christians makes me want to scream and run when I am confronted with who has been hurt and who is being hurt by people who claim that God-talk as their own.
If my prayers are answered, I'll get over my aversion to Christian God-talk and a co-worker's generous offer of healing prayer in Christian community. I many never be able to claim that God-talk as my own again, but I can hope to find a place where the thought of hearing it spoken in prayer makes me feel sicker in the morning than I already do.