Dear Mama and Peter (and of course Berg wherever you are in the spirit world),
Well, it's been a little over one year since I left your "fold" to live in the system. I was so afraid that God would judge me or that I would live in utter condemnation everyday. Well, I found out that I actually got happier as each day went by and I felt like loads of bricks were taken off of my shoulders and like scales were taken off of my eyes. Amazing, huh!
I wanted to give you a little report to let you know how I'm doing. You know, I gave my life to the Family for 28 years (since I was 19) and so I wanted to let you know how difficult it's been to live outside of the "bubble" of the Family. The Family touts it's education as being superior, and that we didn't need conventional education because "Dad" always said that his teachings were enough.
Well, here are some things I "learned" while being in the Family:
1. fear - yes, fear... you taught me to be afraid at all times. You always said to "be on guard" and to "be wise as serpents, but harmless as doves". But with all of that emphasis on fear, it made me always paranoid! Whenever I saw a policeman or a security guard, I always "checked" myself and made sure I looked "normal". You always said that the "enemy" was the devil and the "AC forces" who hate the Family with a perfect hatred. But I'm wondering if the REAL enemy for you is the ex-members, the WS workers who left the Family, and maybe most of all the so-called "Vandari", the SGA's who are fruit of the words of David! *(I'm trying to unlearn that attitude and to appreciate the police as being there to keep the lawless in order).
2. lie & deceive - since we had to always beware of the enemy... we of course had to protect our "leader"... be it Dad, Mama or our WS leaders or even our CRO's. So, in order to do this we had to of course not let people know that we are YKW (you know who)... at least not at first. We didn't want to get caught in any of the enemy's traps. Maybe these people were "wolves in sheep's clothing"! So we had to tread softly and look like we were "normal Christians". At least long enough to sell them some of our "tools".
I found out that the ones who so-called "stood-up" for the Family during the various "persecutions" and "media campaigns" or in court were pretty much lying and covering-up for WS and you. I was one of them. I didn't know I was lying until recently! It grieves my heart to know that I lied to my friends, family and the public and this is very hard to live with... how can you live with yourselves???? And you call yourselves Christians. Politicians do it... used car salesman do, and so do cult leaders.
3. sales people - oh yes, we sure learned alot of salesmanship! In fact with all of those quotes in the "MOP", we learned how to be "winsome" and pushy ("do ya want the books or don't ya?"). We learned to keep going, rain or shine, even when we had the door slammed in our faces. Was it our dedication that inspired us... oh no... we had to pay the rent, buy groceries, pay the bills, raise funds for our visa trip... that was our motivation! We couldn't come home unless we got SOME stats to show!
4. hate - yes, I learned how to hate. Of course, we are Christians, but because of the "words of David", we learned to hate the system, hate system school, hate education other than the Family's, hate our parents and relatives, hate the church, hate lukewarm Christians, hate the whole darn system, hate system books and music, hate the medical system, the tax system, the USA. We were told to keep hating even when Berg died... we had to remain "separate".
So now, after having alienated myself from all of these I've had to renew my ties with my own relatives, get good health care and finally think about retirement and providing for myself in those "golden years".
I've had to apologize to the friends who I lied to... it's a very humiliating task... you should try it! Thank God I found out they still loved me... and you know, many could see that I was in some sort of strange group... but they were waiting me for to "see the light". Thank God, I did.
We were taught that Jesus was coming back and when He didn't, we were told that that "pressure" was good for us to "work like everything depended on work"... burn our candles at both ends... and so on.
We were taught to have "faith" in the Family and its set-up and to "trust God for our supply. We were going into the "dark days of the anti-christ", so we had to prepare to live "selah".
But basically, it just made me more paranoid. Yes, we can see that many Bible prophecies are coming true, but they've been coming true since Jesus died!
All of that type of teaching just made me feel superior to the dumb systemites, and even more so to the "system Christians".
We were taught that we were stronger and could take the "meat of the word"... which really only means "SEX".
Guess what, I found out that there are countless other groups worldwide that have meaty messages and many include SEX! They have strong prophets and "heavy" messages and require their members to follow their teachings exclusively. Oh, yes, but THOSE groups are labeled "cults"... but now I know for sure, the Family is a cult and is in the same group as them.
5. the Bible - yes, I learned the Bible and I learned it backwards and forwards. I memorized hundreds of scriptures. Yes, this was a good thing. The only thing I have difficulty in doing now is trying to unravel all of Berg's twisting of the scriptures. In the process of "reading the word", I got literally brainwashed with Berg's Mo Letters. I had to read "his" words for 28 years, everyday... and he even said his words were more important than the Bible. See these quotes from one of his "Question & Answer" letters:
201. QUESTION: I HAVE WONDERED FOR A LONG TIME NOW ABOUT THE SIGNIFICANCE OF JESUS RETURNING IN THE "CLOUDS."--"Coming in the clouds with power & great glory." (Mt.24:30) Someone told me once that we were the clouds. And the verse that comes to me is where Paul said, "Seeing we are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses..." (Heb.12:1) Also, Isa.60:8. Also, a mysterious verse (Maybe only to me), is Pro.16:4, "The Lord hath made all things for Himself, yea, even the wicked for the day of evil." Does Dad have anything to say about that?--Gabriella, Europe.
ANSWER: ALMOST THOU PERSUADEST ME TO TELL YOU TO STOP READING THE BIBLE, as I suggested in "Forget the Past!" (No.1598) It seems to minister more questions than answers!--Especially if you don't understand it! Read the MLs!--They're not so tough! It took me a lifetime to study & savvy most of the Bible, & I still have many questions!--And you don't have that much time left! Clouds are clouds & witnesses are witnesses!--And yes, the Lord made everything, even the Devil!--That's what I have to say!--And the Bible too! Evidently most of you'd be better off if you didn't read the Bible!--Only MLs!
19. QUESTION: I WAS WONDERING ABOUT SOME OF THE WALT DISNEY CARTOONS that we have on video. Some are really cute, some rather violent. Do they fall under Uneager Beavers? Could it maybe be specified which ones you, Dad & Maria, especially like, as you mentioned in the Letters. Our kids' minds are such tape recorders & we need to feed them right.--Helga, Europe.
ANSWER: YOU CERTAINLY MUST BE SELECTIVE EVEN WITH DISNEYLAND!--Try Davidland!--It's much safer! Ha!
6. begging - yes, I learned how to beg. Now what do I do with that "skill"? Berg taught us to be "gospel gypsies" and to be "paper, prophet, peddlers"... of course for Jesus. We learned how to "provision" and to "get sponsors" for our work. We learned that the "system" was made for us and to serve God's people... namely us because we were the ONLY ones living God's message to the FULL. Since leaving, I have been pleasantly shocked to find out that:
1. there are countless others doing wonderful Christian and volunteer work all over the world and doing even really well at it!
2. I wonder how WS and you Mama and Peter can justify the for all the "tithes" we faithfully gave over the years and how you're spending it. are you just taking advantage of some "dumb sheep" and using the scriptures to further your "kingdom on earth"? I feel sick when I realized that you USED me, you used my dedication, my energy, my trust, and my hard-earned money to further YOUR kingdom.
7. cooking and cleaning for a large group of people - domestic duties is what it amounts to. I have learned a skill which could get me a good job at a hotel as a maid or dishwasher. Wow, I could even get PAID to do something I did for years for nothing (oh yes, I did it for Jesus).
8. sex & prostitution - I got a lot of sex education from Berg and you Mama. Thank you so much. Thank you that I learned all about "afflictions" and to "trust God for STD's". I now have herpes to remind me of my past. I had so many STD's as I was afraid to use a condom for fear of "lacking faith" during FFing. We were even taught that if we gave an STD to one of fish, it was alright because since they were probably playing around with "system prostitutes" that they wouldn't figure out it came from us. Because Berg taught us that we were "angels in their eyes". I went to my doctor pretty much every month for a couple of years. We learned to let a rapist do what he wanted to do... we would be safe if we did. I got raped. I wish I could forget those days.
I always wondered how our "FFing" was any different than simple prostitution. Bergs doctrine really gave us twisted ideas of what we were doing... a highly exalted ministry for the Lord... to save souls... but it was just prostitution.
Well, here I am, learning to adjust to my new life. I've decided to do some distance learning to get some sort of certificate to give me a way to get a higher paying job. I learned that the "system" is there to help everyone, and that we ALL need to be part of the "system" to make it work. We should admire people for working day in and day out, doing things that are needed to keep the world working.
I feel like I was in a time warp for 28 years. I can only remember the music I listened to before I "joined"... I feel like I had amnesia or something and I'm only starting to remember all the songs I used to love and the friends I used to hang around with.
I want to get to know other Christians. I want to respect pastors and Christian leaders. I know there are no perfect churches or leaders.... that's the POINT... even the Family is not the "rightest of the right", or the only way to follow Jesus if you want to get the greatest reward... and so on.
And guess what, I'm getting to know my own children! I blindly "forsook" them so I could join the Family... I have no idea what they thought while being raised with no mommy... "mommy was serving Jesus so she couldn't be with us"???? My "shepherd" told me that I had to put Jesus first... but I regret leaving my children. Now I have to make up for all of those lost years...20 years! I'm at last able to be a real mother!
So sad to say, I really don't have so many applicable skills that I can use in my new life. Sorry Mama and Peter... your words are lies and create a false dream... you should be ashamed of yourselves.
no longer one of "David's Mighty Men", or one of the "Children of David", and I forsake my crown to be one of the "elite" or "avant guard".