Peter Penie Prophecy
Dear Family, greetings in the name of our Heavenly Hubby, & Father David, Ivan the Russian, Marilyn Monroe & Eric the Norseman. I just now talked with Mama who agreed that I should share some astonishing prophecies from our Hubby with you. Up till now we have told you as little news as we thought you could get away with sharing with you about the recent events, & we pray you have followed our advice to keep your TVs turned off so you don’t doubt, & not read the newspapers so you don’t question. We thank you for your blind obedience to also stay away from the Internet & the bulletin boards of our vicious, heartless Vandari detractors & their vindictive lies & horrible horribleness. Our enemies are so bad you have no idea how bad they are. They are lying & they are bad. Really bad.
Some of you have expressed concern over recent contradictory statements our Hubby has made through our lying lips. To clarify, our Heavenly Hubby did not say don’t be in contact with your flesh family outside The Family, but just to be careful that when you’re with them, to not talk about recent events. Keep the conversation inspiring & uplifting. Quoting witnessing stats is a good place to start. Asking them for money is another good conversation-opener. If any of your relatives gets up from their armchair & says, “Let’s see what’s on the news,” be sure to leap in front of them & start doing the “Box” skit or leading everyone in a rousing chorus of “We Love You, David Our King.”
If visiting system relatives, be sure to be extra-helpful, chatty & excited, do the dishes, take out the trash, etc. Mama pointed out that taking out the trash & sweeping the front doorstep also allows you to intercept the newspapers & quickly dispose of them so your fleshly, system relatives can’t read the news either.
We have promised to tell you more news as we were made aware of it, but as the news is all bad & makes dear Mama & I look like the control-freaks & friggin’ liars we we’ve decided to reneg on our promise (God changes his mind!) & instead tell you the only thing that can truly build you up – the Word! Yes, you heard our Hubby! No newspapers, no TVs, or Internet access is allowed, but you lucky little doggies get to slurp up the vomited insanity of Mama’s & my propaganda & read endless pages of make-you-wanna-gag-same-old-drivel prophecies about how our Hubby’s going to help us get a great victory. Sound exciting? You bet it is!
You’re already heard the prophecies about how we’re going to be a Great Financial Power in the World, right? Weren’t those prophecies great? Don’t you enjoy your new lives of prosperity & ease? Rags to Riches, right? I’ll tell you one thing for sure, Mama & I certainly enjoy our mansion & just laying around on beds of ease with our wall-sized flat TV screens. We have all your hard-earned tithes exchanged into gold coins & decorating the walls of our living room. We hope you are enjoying the same.
You’ve also heard the prophecies about how our Hubby came back in 1993. Isn’t it great living in the Millennium? Bet you never thought it would be like this, huh? Living in mansions ruling over the world with rods of iron & blasting our enemies with lighting bolts out of our fingertips. Have you blasted anyone lately? Remember, always set your fingers on “stun” cause we want these Earth-idiots to still be alive to grovel, right? I’m practicing right now with my TV clicker, changing channels. Click! Click! Click! Wow! Such raw naked power at my fingertips.
Now we’re sure you’ll be inspired by these newest, straight-off-the-griddle prophecies to us the Bride, by our Hubby.
Hubby speaking: “My dear ones, my Family, my Endtime brides, great is your reward! Stay on the wall! Truly you will vanquish the world!” EOM from Hubby.
Wasn’t that inspiring? More to come!