I’m a 56 year old former member and I left the cult less then 4 years ago. My heart cries every time when I think of how much I believed that I was doing God’s will, when I was only following the false teachings of a man who claimed to be God’s mouth piece.
I thank my children who chose to leave TF, who became my eye openers, and thanks to my husband as well, who remembered so much better than me what the so called prophet told me to believe.
When my youngest son got excommunicated for violating rules, we went to W. Europe hoping to be able to help our son make it in school etc. At that time I still believed somewhat that TF was a good place to serve Jesus. But feeling ostracized and broke, we decided it wasn’t worth to tithe just for a few mailings and so we cut ourselves off the so called lifeline. I also finally left because I was weary of telling people twisted truths, living hand to mouth and hop scotching the globe looking for the place of fulfillment and for a long-lasting ministry.
However, not tithing and reporting anymore wasn’t actually the hard part for me. In the long run, what was the most difficult was realizing that I had been a member of a sect, a cult. When I joined and for years afterwards I had been so committed to serve Jesus and never wanted to “give up my crown”. So here I am, still disillusioned about the fact that so much of my life was spent in ignorance and blindness.
I’m not proud of the fact that I was an FFer and an ESer. At first I had major struggles accepting the idea, but I let myself get indoctrinated. I was a mother with 2 small children. I’m ashamed too that we used our children for fund raising. The problem was is that I followed like a dumb sheep. I had been a shy insecure person when the Jesus Revolution made its name in the W. European country I’m from. For me, at the time, joining TF was the best thing that had ever happened to me, being a part of this idealistic way of dedicating my life to Jesus, it was the answer to my childhood dream to become a missionary. Today I feel betrayed. Yes it was I who chose to go this way, I believed in David Berg’s interpretation of the Bible. The Bible is a fascinating book to follow and I felt I needed help to do so, so I put all my faith in one man’s teaching.
When you are out of TF after so much time in it, you feel like a fish out of water. After leaving I was able to work fulltime as a nurse in a nursing home and that was our survival at the time. Busy at the job I didn’t think too much about my past, until I started to encounter problems at work. I began to bemoan my past. I felt I had to catch up with so much I had missed out on during my time in TF. My faith which used to give me so much confidence dwindled down so fast. Where was the God of my salvation? It’s as if the ground had been pulled out from under my feet. How could anybody understand me? I’m hanging in space somewhere and feel as if I’ve lost my identity. At the same time I’ve been trying to help pick up pieces for the rest of my family. As of today, Jesus and the Bible is not everything to me anymore. I have a hunger for other great teachings and philosophies.
I tell you I still have a ways to go and with some help from counselors, a therapist, an open mind, the love of my husband and children, I’m able to go on with my life. All I know is that today, the best thing that happened to me, was to leave the cult.
I support our young people who have been misused and abused physically and psychologically while growing up in the cult. I support their claims for amends and justice for the hurt they suffered and still suffer. Ricky’s tragic end was a real eye opener to me of the extent of how much he must have suffered, as well as many others.