In Reply to: I agree with Joppa posted by Acheick on February 09, 2005 at 11:21:41:
The eighteen months that I spoke of is what it takes to rebuild and to get on one's feet emotionally AFTER one has reached forgiveness. Skip the forgiveness and it could take forever, if ever.
I appreciate your honesty. Your's has been a very difficult journey wrought with abuse, fear, guilt - the whole shebang, hasn't it? Grrrr and more grrrr about the manipulative tything thing. Grrr about those who continue to support that. It shows that they haven't really dealt with anything.
You are right, so right, about revovery-healing being a process. I'm glad you were able to break with the denials and utter the words, "MD is not the Entime prophet." That certainly is the first step.
Christian psychologists have written that "anger is the next step and that it has three forms:
1. conventional - anger (directed outwardly) where you shake your fists at God, hit you mate, scream at the boss, trhrow things....and,
- anger (directed inwardly - depression) where you blame yourself.
2. projected - where the anger you feel for having joined a cult, been an addict etc., is directed onto those around you, but discontent caused by a low self worth is the real problem. (In the Family it was called murmurring.) "If only my spouse would pay more attention to me, then I wouldn't be mad at him, and then I'd quit smoking, eating, drinking, overeating, cheating, etc....."
4. legitimate - a normal, healthy reaction to circumstances and relationships.
Whatever the form, they say, it has to come out. The healthiest way is to express it verbally. "I need to express how I feel about this." Some of the letters to Maria posted recently have been good. The more clearly you can state your feelings and the reasons for them the better. For some people, simply writing in a journal is sufficient. Role playing works where you can give a voice and expression to the anger by imagining the target of your anger in front of you. If it (the anger) has to be expressed physically in order to get it out, beating the shit out of an effigy of MD might do the trick (chuckle chuckle chuckle.) If the target of your anger is dead, a letter may do it, even if it never gets mailed. If the anger has gone inward, journalling helps, as does role playing where you verbalize the anger by imagining yourself talking to yourself in the mirror. Hey, if it works........" (end of prophecy from Dad, er I mean, the Christian psychologists.)
(My thoughts speaking: ha ha ha) You've felt the pain, Achiek, you've felt the losses, you've experienced the cost of your addiction to the cult, you've recycled the anger and the grief over, and over, and over. You are genuine, without doubt. You've had some insight into some of the things that drove you into the cult. If you were to ask me, you are ready for forgiveness. Reach that last step (it's an act of the will, a conscious decision that you make, not because they (the cult) deserve it, but because YOU DO) in the grief process and the eighteen months that I mentioned in my other post is AT THE DOOR.