In Reply to: our situation.. posted by ray on February 12, 2005 at 13:40:07:
I was raised by a binge-Catholic father who was an alcoholic executive with the Tx liquor control board. My mother was a closet pagan. Us kids got dropped off at church to see if there was any redemption possible for pre-teen "hussies" and "heathens". I was molested by a neighbor and sadistically by my brother, sometimes with my sister. The molester was an army sargeant. He was catholic too. My mother took him out of the bedroom and back to the party only he kept coming back. She blamed it on me and I was 8. My father called me a pig and a bitch. I would be dropped off at church and slapped in the face if I forgot my veil. Jesus sure did love me.
My father was very sadistic with me too. If he was my father, that is very questionable. I begged to leave home at 16 but my father told me I would be sent to lock up until 21 if I left. He had law enforcement connections.
By outward appearances, we were a normal everyday family. I know much of what he did was under the influence, but much was not. I have had a rifle in my face from him, was kicked, hit, beat, bled. And I felt less than zero. I left home on my 18th birthday and less than two months later I met the family and other cults miles from home on the sts. of LA.
They approached me and I went with them to 5th and Towne and at first I was scared but then it felt real safe and I really had an incredible experience getting saved just a few days before the family. It was felt very physically.
What was supposed to be safe was well controlled. Then the things that happened filtered down first to women via FFing. Yes, I would blame much on the cult and on my family of origin.
But i would thank my family of origin crap for helping me jump out of the family even though I had panic attacks and was sure God was trying to kill me for leaving and could kill us all.
The sexual abuse that was headed for kids and which I was already experiencing because I did not like the "sharing" triggered my path out.
That being said, I don't feel a need to make a confession for just having been a member. Only to validate what I know the family was about and that I know where it was headed when I left and absolutely believe SG stories are underexaggerated if anything.