In Reply to: SATAN, COME OUT OF HIM NOW!!! posted by EXORCIST on March 15, 2005 at 00:11:35:
Dear Nephew Screwloose,
You will have the misfortune to be around exorcists such as the above from time to time. You may even find yourself flung about a bit & shaken up by the fury of their words. Take it on the chin, old chap, it's part of our lot being demons & all & nothing really to be disconcerted about, since these exorcists don't have a great deal of authority or power, contary to what we permit them to think. Now a REAL exorcist! I've met them! You will recall back in Manchester in 1864 when your father and I possessed the Earl of Eldersby, what a time we had with that little preacher, I can't remember the chaps name -- but those EYES! You have no doubt heard these stories, so I will not further bore you with them, but merely refresh your memory by passing mention. At any rate, these rather loud-mouthed modern preachers (they happen mostly to be Yanks, have you noticed?) have gotten off on this doctrine of seeing us demons behind every bush, possessing Christians more than, say, a good honest Satanist.
Do not under any circumstances enlighten them, nephew Screwloose, as to what is really happening. We want them wasting their breath & energy & basically shouting themselves into a frazzle. Do you know that I have actually seen a would-be exorcist from North Carolina practicing casting demons out of fenceposts? Yes, yes. I kid you not. It was rather amusing to watch, I do say, & you know how little makes me smile. To him, you see, the thing was all oratorial practice, the ability to quote verses loudly, the ringing of his own voice in his own self-important ears. I don't doubt but that the fencepost was possibly better for the exorcism (don't laugh now) but being painted with anti-fungal varnish would have accomplished the same thing. But my point is, we want to encourage this kind of behavior.
Does this surprise you? You should not be surprised, dear Screwloose. I work in the T.O. Fixatation Dept. (T.O. stands for Tripped Off, I should inform you, another one of those Yank fixations with reducing all good English words to initials.) Our job is to pinpoint good exorcist talent & to work them over & get them quite properly tripped off (I prefer to say 'fixated') casting so-called demons out of quite good, ordinary people & keeping them from realizing where we're really doing our work, wars & leech-like business practices & such like. Do you realize that if we can get a pastor focused on exorcising his own congregation, we've acheieved our major goals? Think about that a bit.
Good hell, nephew, do you think we'd like any real exorcists out here among the truly demon-possessed changing the status quo? Not on your death! No, quite the rather, let them stay where they are,out in North Carolina liberating fenceposts or getting housewives delivered of demons of drudgery in Texas. Anything but letting them know what we're truly about.
To be continued, dear chap. I must go. But in parting, let me remind you, if you do truly encounter a real exorcist & a bunch of you lads get cornered in one individual, & you're given a choice as to where to go, do not (I repeat, do not) choose to go into the swine. At the very least, send a scout out first to check just how close the swine are to the edge of a cliff & whether, by chance, the cliff overlooks the sea. I don't have time now, but I could frighten the wits out of you by telling you how we lost an entire Legion of some of our best workers (demons I knew & worked with for centuries) we lost an entire Legion of them I say, in one fell swoop. Drowned they were. Still there in the bottom of the Sea of Galilee, I presume, as we haven't received any further communication.
But I dawdle. Really, young Screwloose, I must be off. Cheers!