Does anyone remember the play and movie "Plenty"? It was written by the guy who much later wrote the script for "The Hours".
I saw the play in the 70s (with Kate Nelligan) and watched the movie again recently. I feel it is much better than it is generally held to be. But it isn't a Hollywood movie, it is set in Europe and the main character (Meryl Streep) is not a heroine, in fact she's not even likeable.
Watching it again I saw clear comparisons with my own life and feelings, and my time in the COG. I left the cult many years ago and slowly came to realize how it had destroyed my life - and my kids. But looking back, I also know that I have never lived life so intensely or felt so fulfilled as during my first two years in the COG (71-73), even though I actually suffered a lot at the hands of leadership).
I feel my life has drifted for years, still raising kids, still trying to keep my head above water, no pension to look forward to, etc., etc. -you all know what I'm talking about. I have been very depressed the last few months and have struggled just to go through the motions.
In "Plenty", the lead character is in the French Resistance (WWII) and has a passionate affair. It is all very exciting. When the war ends, she imagines life can only get better. But it doesn't, and she gradually becomes a nasty person, making other people unhappy, even the people who love her.
That is where I see parallels. I have a lot of letters that I wrote to my mom during my early COG years. I was so happy and positive, it really seems like another person wrote those letters. I was so convinced we were changing the world, that we were God's end-time army. Nothing since has come close to it.
Has anyone else experienced these feelings? I'm really getting to the end of my tether and know I have to change my life. I don't have too many options but I want to get out of the rut and feel like I'm living again. I need to try to break with the past and do something quite different, including moving to a different country.