In Reply to: Re: A ray of HOPE posted by Jo on August 10, 2005 at 23:17:45:
1 1/2 years ago my 19 yr old son was living on the streets borrowing needles to shoot up with crystal meth. We'd lost contact with him, we only knew he was an addict and we that the person who'd been trying to help him had given up and thrown him out of the apt he shared with them.
He's been clean for about 1 1/2 years now thanks to his willingness and honesty to ask for help. First of all he knew where he could get help; he knew that there was a program where his father had found recovery from alcohol addiction. He was still living with us when I hit bottom, rather than die from alcoholism I finally let go of my ego and phoned AA. The first few months he had his eye on me waiting for me to relapse, as I'd always done before when I had gone on the wagon and tried to stay abstinent on my own. But instead of relapsing he saw me start to change, I slowly started getting positive about myself, building self esteem. I went back to school, found a job, I was rebuilding my life, recovery from alcohol and recovery from the cult.
When my son still lived with us sometimes I could talk with him and tell him that he was probably an addict like me, it's a hereditary disease, it wasn't his fault and that he was going to find out he needed help in a similar way to the help I had found. At this time he denied it, but when he moved away, I would email him and send him addresses of places he could go to.
AA's 12 Steps is a spiritual program. Sometimes I still get confused when I talk about spirituality and what it means to me because I'm still recovering from what it did to follow Berg many many years. The 12 Steps have helped a lot with that too.
When I started the AA program I identified Berg for the untreated alcoholic he was. I also realized that even though as an untreated alcoholic I might be my own worst enemy, I needed to start becoming my own best friend. I started looking at what was wrong with me inside, do house cleaning and start changing my personality, which helped me to learn to love myself. I believe that Berg's doctrines of doing away with all individuality, where you think of yourself as the miserable hopeless sinner who's totally nothing, where you must completely give Jesus total credit for absolutely anything that's good about you, was Berg's way of excusing his own perverted character that he was in denial about and not willing to change. Remember Berg’s boo-hoo-hoo prayers about what a miserable undeserving sinner he was, but God chose him anyway to be David the end time Prophet? He excused his personality defects many times using King David, or Solomon, or Samson as an example.
AA gave me a prayer that I still use everyday, The Serenity Prayer. "God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things that I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference." And "Your will not mine be done." is added to it in Step 3.
There are things that only I can change. As I understand my Higher Power, God, there's lots He wants me to do myself, in me, in my life, things that I take the credit for, things I do with His help, or grace, and I have a healthy pride in what I accomplish. A cult like the Family takes away the self esteem, the individual personality and character development.
I took me quite a while to let go of my son, and the guilt I felt. First I had to forgive myself for the kind of father I had been and for the drunk he'd seen so many times as he'd grown up, and accept that you can't change the past, but I still wanted to change him and I agonized day after day. Slowly I learned to accept I'm not God and I can't change anyone. So when I prayed "Your will, not mine, be done," I accepted that even though my will is that my son find recovery and a happy life, it's not for me to say what God's Will is, but whatever it is: May it be done. In Al Anon they talk about detachment. I had to learn that too.
I will pray for Merry, and my prayers will end with "Your Will, not mine, be done."
PS. A few details of my son’s recovery: He asked MAP (Musician Assistance Program) for help, and they got him off the streets into a 12 Step treatment center covering expenses for 1 month. Because of the progress he made the center then asked the county to pay for 2 more months, which they did. When he left the center he did 2 months of after care which he helped pay for, and he’s continued his recovery with regular attendance in AA or NA meetings. He’s done the 12 Step Program with the help of a sponsor. He has a job now and he’s in a band. I’m proud of him.
There is a solution. Those who honestly want help and are willing to ask for it can find it. It’s not easy to do, but it’s there. I believe praying for Merry creates positive energy that will be directed in some way to her.