In Reply to: communications & James Seemore posted by FRED on November 03, 2005 at 12:31:57:
Thanks for taking the time to share your perspective. I particularly appreciate the information about what prompted you & your wife to leave TF four years ago.
As far as the communication issues are concerned, I think it always helps to be reminded of the basics of courtesy and clarity. I totally agree that "name calling, belittling, condescending, provocative, ridiculing, superior, stereotyping, coercing or bullying forces the recipient to react to the delivery of the message rather than what is actually being said." There may be some advantage in being older, inasmuch as many older people learned not to be reactive to their children, but all of us--even the most patient and understanding--experience times when someone gets on our last nerve.
Whatever James' motives were for posting here, the biggest issue for me is understanding the mission of this site. As Achiek mentioned, no one here is an exit counselor. This place is for people who have left TF and want to share their truths about the abuse, coersion, mindcontrol, manipulation, corruption, deception, and exploitation they experienced.
Someone coming here talking about a new, improved Family reminds me of a prostitute who talks about practicing safe sex, when the best she can realistically offer any of her clients is SAFER sex. The current Family is a safer place for children than the one that practiced & preached abuse & neglect as a matter of doctrine, but that doesn't make it a safe & healthy way to grow up.
This site is not for people who are still in, thinking about leaving, and wanting to test the waters of exer-dom. I've been thinking about Ray's comments on the need for a site like that, but I don't think it could be moderated successfully by exers from the first generation. Such a site would need to be coordinated by second generation members who were born in the younger cohorts where the abuse wasn't so horrific. The site would also need to be run by people like yourself who have recently left, because the longer a person is out, the more the distance grows between TFI's current realities and a person's past.
Regarding the past and current Family: Your remark that TFI had become "a religion of fear" made me chuckle. The Family has been a religion of fear as long as it's been in existence. When you became aware of the fear, it was you who had grown & changed, not TF.