In Reply to: Re: 'Gospel of Judas' Surfaces After 1,700 Years posted by Rocky Boobola on April 07, 2006 at 10:33:44:
(David agonizes in prayer, screaming vehemently in tongues in what sounds like a mixture of Bulgarian gypsy and Arabic trilling!)
(Interpretation:) Oh, they they would listen to the words of thy father, yea, that they might live, and yea, that they might find sustenance wherewithal they may succor them and their households. For yea, the days grow evil and the voices of the prophets rise up to condemn them!
(David wipes his tear-sodden beard on his bedsheets, then blows his nose vigorously on his pillow-case.) See, God sends prophets like Judas Iscariot and yet they don't hear him. Judas was a prophet just like me, did you know that?
(Maria:) He was?
Yes, yes, Judas was a great prophet. That's what all the newspapers are saying now.
(Maria:) I thought Judas was a villain?
No,no, no. You've gotta take everything history writes and turn it inside-out, backwards and upside down to get the truth. Judas was a hero. I've always loved Judas. "A prophet is not without honor, save in his own hometown." See? I got a scripture for it. It must be true. (David laughs loud and long, almost hysterically.) But the churchy folks will reject Judas' message just like they rejected mine!
(Maria:) So Judas was a prophet?
Yes, like Rasputin! People hated him, they lied about him, but it wasn't so. He wasn't a bad man. And are you ready for THIS shocker? Judas Iscariot is your newest spirit helper! Ha ha ha!
(Maria:) Um ... are you sure?
You don't like it?
(Maria:) Yes, I like it, it's just that...
Ha! If THAT shocks you, wait'll I tell you who your OTHER newest spirit helper is: Victor the Budgie!!
(Maria:) The budgie who predicted the tsunami?
Yes! Yes! Even as Baalam's ass, so these dumb beasts speak!
(Maria:) A BUDGIE is my spirit helper?
Yes! Does that shock you? Listen, the bird got the prophecy, got the message, but his dumb master didn't even warn the world so they could be prepared. So now the budgie is coming to YOU, because you WILL listen to the "peeping and mutterings" and warn the world!
(Maria:) But is the budgie even dead yet?
Who says the damn bird has to be dead to be a spirit helper? In the Great Now, the past, present and future are the same, so in a way, the budgie's already dead, right?
(Maria:) Um, I guess so...
Listen, if that's a problem for you, someone can kill the damn bird. Would THAT make you feel better?
(Maria:) No, no. You don't have to kill Victor on my account.
Well then, there you have it! Your two new spirit helpers! Judas Iscariot and Victor the Budgie! Ha! You're all set to stand up now and give the message to the world!