In Reply to: Re: Having children in the "Endtime" posted by Mr. Don on May 02, 2006 at 12:31:33:
I knew it! Sooner or later one of these apostate backsliders would start talking about pre-Trib rapture! That shows you when they leave the Family, the folds of David, that they're deceived. "Deceiving and being deceived." Next thing you know these mamby-pamby churchy backsliders are saying, "Well, I guess pre-Trib Rap is true. I sure wouldn't mind being carried to heaven on flowery beds of ease BEFORE the Great Tribulation. Oh no no no, I won't suffer. No no no no." Deceived liars!
Listen folks, we believe in WHAT?
(Maria:) Sex!
Well, yes, but I mean regarding the Endtime and the Rapture?
(Maria:) Sex, right? Aren't our FFers going to be laying all their antichrist guards all day long?
Yes, of course, but do we believe in POST-Trib rapture or mamby-pamby, church PRE-Trib rapture?
(Maria:) POST-Trib rapture?
Yes! And when does the Tribulation start?
(Maria:) Right after you die. That's what the old gypsy lady said.
Um ... well, I guess I got that part wrong. I died years before the Tribulation started. So I got THAT particular small, inconsequential detail wrong. But what is the Image of the Beast?
(Maria:) Television sets?
Um ... well, we've sort of changed our tune on that one, haven't we? OK, try THIS question: who are the two Endtime Witnesses?
(Maria:) Me and Davidito!
Um ... well, okay, so I got that one wrong too. Okay, what is the major sign that the Tribulation is starting?
(Maria:) Halley's comet appearing?
Um ... okay, so that didn't pan out. Listen, at least we KNOW for sure that "God will not lie to David," right? And at least we know that WE have more truth and more answers and more light than the churchy people, right?
(Maria:) Um ... right ... I guess.
Of course we do. Don't get discouraged that I've been wrong about so much and so hopelessly screwed up in my interpretations. It just shows how smart I am.
(Maria:) How does it prove that?
'Cause I changed my mind all the time! Ha! A wise man is wiser tomorrow than he was yesterday. Well, I changed my mind SO much on almost everything that I must be the wisest man on earth.
(Maria:) Oh, yeah, right.
So now, WHAT do we believe?
(Maria:) About what?
C'mon! What the hell have we been talking about?
(Maria:) Um ... sex?
No, the Endtime. (Dad slaps Maria across the face.) Listen up next time, will you? Ha! This slap in the face is the only pre-Tribulation RAP you'll ever get!