In Reply to: Some info posted by Had a Swedish girlfriend on October 14, 2006 at 22:20:34:
Swedish parents [do] discipline their children; and in doing so, they rely on a variety of alternatives to physical punishment. The method most commonly used is verbal conflict resolution, which invites parents as well as children to express their anger in words. Parents insist that discussions involve constant eye contact, even if this means taking firm hold of young children to engage their attention. Parents and professionals agree that discussions may escalate into yelling, or that yelling may be a necessary trigger for discussion. Still, many point out that while yelling may be humiliating, it is better than ignoring the problem or containing the anger, and it is usually less humiliating than physical punishment.
Verbal conflict resolution may come more easily to Swedish parents than to most others, due to Sweden's proliferation of couple communication classes. Parents who know how to communicate with each other tend to be adept at using these skills with their children (7).
To socialize preverbal infants and toddlers, Swedish parents make every effort to avoid conflict. They thoroughly childproof their homes and give their children a great deal of attention. Society supports include paid parental leave, which permits one parent to remain at home throughout a baby's first 15 months of life. Many municipalities provide neighborhood parent-child centers, where mothers - particularly those who feel isolated at home - can gather for sociability and respite while their babies and toddlers enjoy supervised play. Staffing the centers are early childhood educators and social workers who are equipped to help parents solve early socialization problems.
Problems that arise in the early years are addressed in nonpunitive ways. Although the 1979 law does not prohibit the use of physical force or restraint in removing a child from danger, parents do not resort to physical [violence], even while removing a child from the middle of a street. Instead, they talk to the child and watch the child more carefully in the future. Children, for their part, get the message - without a smack or even a swat.
Swedish families appear to be flourishing. The children I saw in 1988 were generally well behaved and, according to their teachers, easier to teach because they were accustomed to discipline at home. They also seemed much more self-disciplined in public than they were on my first visit. Although Sweden has its share of teen drug problems, juvenile crime, and slightly increasing rates of property crime, violent crimes against people are decreasing (8). Moreover, adults are considerably more optimistic about Sweden's children than they were a decade ago.
NONVIOLENCE IN SOCIETY BEGINS AT HOME
Sweden has not been to war in over a century. Indeed, Sweden's social democracy, which promotes cooperation over competition, has been characterized as a movement of "ballots not bullets" (9). This disdain for violence has clearly provided a favorable milieu for helping parents abandon physical punishment.
The aversion to violence remains rooted in Swedish culture. The news media, controlled largely by the government, depict violence only while airing international news. Imported videos rented out for at-home viewing are another story entirely. Both the government and parents are acutely concerned about the violence portrayed in these films. Educators and healthcare professionals assert that even many video cartoons, including those starring Donald Duck, are violent. Parent-teacher associations are rising to the occasion and actively helping parents learn how to regulate their children's video viewing.
Another area of some concern is institutionalized power sports, which some Swedes believe are an alternative to the expression of aggression and physical violence. Channeling physical aggression through forms of ritualized physical activity, they claim, teaches physical control. And indeed, judo and karate parlors and schools are proliferating throughout the country. While most research now concludes that identifying with any form of aggressive behavior - in reality or in the media - promotes aggressive behavior (10), a number of Swedes maintain that the physical control learned through power sports is a deterrent to violence.
While the macho male may be revered on video screens or in karate parlors, he is not a Swedish ideal. Nor are fathers macho figures. Much to the contrary, they tend to be active participants in parenting and characteristically do not model aggressive values.
Over the years, Sweden's social welfare support for families mitigated many tensions and stresses that would have otherwise sparked parental tempers.. For nonviolent Sweden, however, this was not enough. By 1979, it became necessary to enact a law specifically directing parents not to hit their children. Now, a decade later, the law appears to be effective - and to demonstrate that it is indeed possible to bring up children without smacking and spanking.