In Reply to: yelling posted by Acheick on October 18, 2006 at 21:30:58:
I've talked to my adult children about yelling, since I did way too much of it and my ex really went ballistic once when the boys were about 4. I've studied the issue of parental aggression and child development because it's something I know about personally. It was done to me, and I turned around & did it.
But, I did change my ways over time, and I'm continuing to change. It ain't over till it's over.
One of my adult sons will blow up yelling like I used to do. I don't yell at him any more, but he has blown up on me once in the last two years. I told him I didn't like the behavior, even if I was guilty of it myself when he was a kid. He apologized, pretty much as I did when he was growing up.
Now he has a daughter. This is something I will talk to him about in the near future. I can't change him, but I can warn him about the problems that come with blowing up and yelling at a kid. It can be controlled, it's not a good thing, and a good mother will feel guilty about dumping her excess anger and frustration on her children. I think it's a natural thing to do, but it's not the best of all possible worlds, and I certainly want to work toward a better way of relating to my family members.
On the other side of this coin, I had a very wacked out episode of verbally violent family life in the fall and winter of 2004. I blew up at the other of my adult sons and nearly cut off relations totally. We've worked a long way toward reconciliation since then, and I've certainly said my apologies more than once. He's also come a long way and made apologies to me. Some very deep stuff went down between this son and myself in 1985 when I was nearly killed in an auto accident. The situation scarred him and me, and we had to peel back some serious layers of hurt and shame.
It ain't over till it's over.