I'm sure some of you may be totally sick of this thread but I can't help but try one more time to get this important message across.
I forget who recommended Alice Miller but whoever it was thank you.
This really sums it up for me.
Child Mistreatment, Child Abuse
What is it?
Humiliations, spankings and beatings, slaps in the face, betrayal, sexual exploitation, derision, neglect, etc. are all forms of mistreatment, because they injure the integrity and dignity of a child, even if their consequences are not visible right away. However, as adults, most abused children will suffer (and let others suffer) from these injuries. Some victims of this dynamic of violence can - deformed into hangmen - take revenge even on whole nations and become willing executors to horrible dictators like Hitler and other cruel leaders. Beaten children learn very early the violence they endured, which they may glorify and apply later as parents by believing that they deserved the punishment and were beaten out of love. They don't know that the only reason for the punishments, which they have to endure, is the fact that their parents themselves endured and learned violence without being able to question it. Later, the adults, once abused children, beat - without intending it - their own children and often feel grateful to their parents who mistreated them when they were small and defenseless.
For that reason, society's ignorance remains so solid and parents continue to produce, in all "good will", in every generation severe pain and destructivity. Most people tolerate this blindly because the origins of human violence in childhood have been and are still being ignored worldwide. Almost all small children are smacked during the first three years of life when they begin to walk and to touch objects, which may not be touched. This happens exactly during a time when the human brain builds up its structure and should thus learn kindness, truthfulness, and love but never, never cruelty and lies. Fortunately, there are many mistreated children who find "helping witnesses" and can feel being loved by them.
I will not say anymore on the subject because this says it all.