My name is Eva St John. I am a former parent with four grown children who were born into TF. We've been busy trying to rebuild our lives
and have had almost no contact with other ex members or former children for the past several years. But before that, after breaking away from
TF, the kids and I spent several years speaking out publicly in the media in an attempt to bring to light the plight of TF kids, especially the first
generation. Now there's been a new development. Two weeks ago, when it was brought to my attention that TF is still publicly propagating the
same lies and cover-ups, I found myself compelled to stand up and speak out publicly again on behalf of former child victims of TF in the
presence of some government officials, duped 'experts' and the top Australian Family leaders. But first let me introduce myself….
During my childhood and teenage years I was bullied, bashed and sexually molested by dominant males who made it clear that as a woman my
only 'worth' was as a servant and sex object for men. But I wanted more than that, so at 15 I ran away from home to 'find God' and get some
answers. So I was ripe fruit when at 16 I was recruited into the COG in the early seventies, which at the time was pretty benign and
non-sexual compared to what it became later on.
At 18 I was married off in TF to a man I barely knew, and - with no birth control permitted - began having children straight away. I was often
privately very confused and miserable, although completely brainwashed into believing TF was 'the truth' and that I 'had' to be there for the
sake of my children and our salvation, or else.
In spite of this, I ran away twice and tried to get out several other times, but they managed to keep me in the loop and get me back. When my
marriage broke up in TF, my eldest child was taken from me by his father at two-and-a-half. He is now 28 and I don't know where he is,
which is a great heartache to me. His name is Aaron.
Even though I was convinced we had 'the truth', I was almost always in trouble with the leaders for questioning TF policies and practices
-especially in regards to the treatment of the children - and was labeled and scapegoated as a 'trouble maker' because of it. As a result, for the
last two years I was in TF I was under detention and punishment, and sometimes 'partial excommunication'. When they finally realized they
couldn't break me and that I was not going to give up challenging and questioning the madness, they excommunicated me for the 'crime' of
being an 'incorrigible independent thinker'.
Then, in 1992 the Dept of Children's Services here in Australia raided TF communities and took 128 children into temporary care (which most
of you would have heard about). The first I knew about it was when I saw it on the news. I was not in favor of the children being separated
from their parents, but I was in favor of the truth coming out about what life was like for them in TF.
So when I saw that TF leaders were making their teenagers go on TV and lie about how they'd 'never been touched' and 'everything was just
hunky dory' - teenagers whom I personally knew to have had an 'active sex life' as children - I was outraged. How dare they silence their own
children and force them to lie about how they'd been treated!
By some miracle, when I'd broken away from TF, they'd forgotten I happened to have a full home library of all the lit. I now used it to go
public in the media and show what lunacy the kids were being subjected to (ie: the Davidito book, Heaven's Girl, the Mene Letters, 'The Devil
Hates Sex', Victor's camps, etc, etc).
From the first day I spoke out, the phone didn't stop ringing. I got calls from kids and other ex members from all over the world just wanting to
talk to someone who had some inkling of what they'd gone through. (Probably some of those who frequent this site will have spoken to me at
some point, or will know of me). I was appalled that there was so little help for them. This led me to establishing a small support organization
for a few years called 'WINGS' (Warning, Informing, Nurturing & Giving Sanctuary). I rented a big house and ran it as a refuge for kids
coming out of TF and other similar groups, and helped to start up a local help line.
Over a period of four years I toured and spoke extensively on the subject and appeared (often with my children) on most of Australia's current
affairs shows, and on radio and the print media, trying to bring some awareness to the plight of TF kids. I was doing this with the hope that it
might cause TF parents to be publicly confronted with the truth they were refusing to acknowledge, and that the resultant 'external pressure'
might help to force TF leadership to modify their child rearing practices and cease the warped indoctrination and abusive treatment.
To some extent, it seemed that the efforts of those of us who went public did seem to cause Zerby and co to curb some of their worst
excesses and come up with The Charter, etc. But it was obvious TF's leadership would never have a true repentance.
Meanwhile, as I struggled with a long term chronic fatigue-type illness that was getting worse from my overworking, the Australian leaders
were on a major PR and propaganda drive. They were sucking in and 'cultivating' government officials and the media, and had launched a
major smear campaign against me. They even got an ignoramus 'celebrity cult expert' on side who, to this day - even though I've shown him the
books and Letters and the written testimonies of former children and told him everything - still defends TF publicly, claims he's seen 'no
evidence', and ridicules the stories of ex members and former children as erroneous and 'not to be relied upon'. (It makes me furious!)
By 1998 I had burned out due to illness and needed to take time out on my own to heal. Thus far TF had claimed 26 years of my life, both as
a member and as a vocal ex member. But I had never taken any time out for myself, to process and look at all my own grief and wounding. I
needed to do what my grown children were now doing: to go off on my own to find who I really was outside of any involvement with TF and
Christianity and motherhood, and begin to heal on the deeper level. In order to do that, I needed to re-find the person I was as a 16 year old
searcher before TF changed my name and my identity and took over my thinking.
So I handed my remaining work over to others and walked away from all involvement completely. I was so sick of TF I never wanted to hear
of them again. I dropped out and moved to an 'alternative' country town (where I now live) to recover my health and explore the world
through new eyes. That was five years ago.
I became so taken up with new interests and my new life that I never even so much as looked up anything to do with TF on the internet or
sought out other ex members any more, until now. It is only because I've been confronted once more with the reality of TF's denial of the harm
MO's teachings and TF practices have done to the kids, and the lies they are continuing to propagate to whitewash the past (effectively
silencing their own children), that I have felt compelled to re-engage.
I have written a newspaper article about this recent confrontation around the children's rights and would like to ask permission to post it on this
site next time I log on. For now, it's time I signed off because I've made this far too long already.
There's just one more thing I want to say. As a formerly screwed up and delusional Family parent who FFed, ESed, and had a 'Jesus baby',
and whose involvement in TF caused suffering for my children, I would like to offer to explore the possible answers to some of the unanswered
questions that perhaps other former children may still have regarding their parents' mindset and how they could have behaved the way they did
(or still do). I will try to look honestly at my own motivations and reasoning at the time and try to answer sincere question openly, honestly and
candidly. I'm not here to preach anything (I'm not an adherent of any particular faith), and I'm not afraid to tackle the 'hairy' questions. I'm an
eternal 'explorer'. So feel free to ask. Maybe we can learn more together.
Thanks for letting me share.