The Family / Children of God

Attitudes, Conduct, Current Beliefs and Teachings Regarding Sex

Position and Policy Statement

                Issued by World Services on the collective behalf of the fellowship of independent missionary communities commonly referred to as The Family

1. Our theological perspective on sex and nudity

                We believe that sex, when practiced as God ordained, designed and intended is a pure, needful and beautiful wonder of God's creation. We also believe that God designed and created sex not only for human procreation, but for human enjoyment and pleasure as well; it is a gift from God. Despite some people's misperception that sex is virtually synonymous with sin, it is our personal conviction and religious belief that when used as God intended, between consenting persons of legal age, there is nothing evil or wrong with sex, nudity or the human body.

                As evidenced by Genesis 1:28, normal sexual relationships between men and women were designed, ordained and commanded by God, long before man sinned, God telling them to "be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth." Verse 31 of the same chapter says that God "saw everything that He had made" -- which obviously included the first man and woman, as well as nudity and sex – "and behold, it was very good."

                Man fell, we believe, when he disobeyed God and willfully ate of the forbidden fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, thereby giving entrance to sin. His mind and spirit became impaired by sin, so that he then was capable of looking at things in an evil way, whereas before he sinned, in his innocence he had only perceived things as being good—which they were. Prior to his fall into sin, he was pure in spirit and all things were seen by him as pure, just the way that God had made them. After his fall, however, little appeared pure and simple to him. We believe that this sin-tainted perception, the ability to see or imagine evil even where there is no evil, has characterized humanity to this very day.

                Shame about sex and nudity, therefore, is just one of the many side effects of man's sinful fallen condition. Sex and human nudity remain just as clean and pure as when God created and ordained them before the fall, but man now often perceives evil in them. To add to the problem, we believe there have been many unscriptural and erroneous teachings about sex disseminated by various religious authorities over the centuries that have left much of humanity confused, uncomfortable and guilt-ridden about their own sexuality.

                In spite of the confused and inherently sinful nature of man, Jesus promises that through the regeneration of God's Holy Spirit, we can be "born again" and freed from the curse of sin and shame. The Bible says, "To the pure, all things are pure." [1] Therefore, although we have inherent weaknesses and imperfect attitudes toward sex and nudity because of sin, through Christ and His atonement we can regain purity of heart and attitude--not only towards our bodies and their natural functions, but many other aspects of life as well, for "Christ has redeemed us from the Curse." [2]

                The Bible says in the Epistle of Paul to the Romans, "Whatsoever is not of faith is sin." So although the above is our interpretation and belief of the Scriptures, we do not expect that other Christians who interpret them differently will necessarily put them into practice in the same manner that we do.

                While our beliefs on sex are less conservative than most other Christians, we observe rules of sexual propriety in our communities, and any sexual activity or demonstration of sexual affection must take place in private. We agree with the Apostle Paul's admonition to all Christians "that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother's way." [3]

2. Personal sexual activity or inactivity

                We feel human sexuality is a normal and natural part of the human make-up as created by God. Therefore we do not believe there is any particular purpose, spiritual merit or even wisdom in trying to totally deny or suppress one's own sexuality, providing that it is not perverted or contrary to the Scriptures. We find no particular Scriptural precedent for condemning personal sexual activities such as self-gratification through masturbation, and therefore feel it is a permissible activity if performed in moderation and in private, so as not to be offensive to others.

                If any person wishes to refrain from sexual activity or chooses not to marry in one of our communities that is totally their own decision, right and prerogative. No sexual activity is made compulsory in our communities. Any sexual interaction must be with full and complete agreement and consent of the persons involved.

                In the course of sex education, we believe in presenting the children in our fellowships with honest and factual information about sex, appropriate to their age group. We do not encourage children to engage in sexual activities among themselves. We have found it best to take a communicative, but generally conservative stance on educating the children in our communities about sex. (For our policy regarding sexual activity among teenagers, see point five below.)

3. Marriage

                Legally contracted monogamous marriages are the norm for permanent relationships among our membership, and marriage is expected to be a lifelong commitment. There is the option for divorce with the mutual consent of both parties, and separations do occur in our communities, just as in society at large. Members who are of legal age to marry and wish to marry are free to do so. Couples proposing to marry must complete a period of engagement of not less than 90 days, beginning with a public declaration of their intentions to marry before the members of the community in which they live.

4. Sexual relationships between adults

                We feel that sexual relationships and activities among adults are for the most part individual matters. However, members living in Family communities must agree to observe the following general guidelines and principles:

                All members shall strive to adhere to the principle that we refer to as the Law of Love. [4] This principle applies to all of our interactions with each other, and not just sexual relationships. Briefly stated, when applied to sexual matters, the Law of Love declares that pursuing sexual activity or relationship without the consent of any party involved is prohibited. The relationship should not be harmful in any way to those involved, nor in any way offend or run contrary to the expressed or implied wishes or personal conscience and convictions of any individual involved. No form of sexual harassment is permitted either by word or deed.

                Members are at all times to be mindful and respectful of the moral attitudes, feelings, and effect their actions may have on those with whom they live in community, particularly minors, and diligently confine all sexual intimacies to their own private quarters.

                Members may only engage in sexual activities that are mutually agreed upon by both partners, and permitted for their age group (see point 5) under our governing Charter of Responsibilities and Rights. No one should force or in any way coerce a sexual partner to participate in any sexual activity that they do not desire to engage in.

                Members may not engage in sexual perversions or any other sexual activity that is in any way harmful or dangerous.

                In the interest of health and safety, and to prevent HIV infection in particular, members must refrain from having sexual contact with anyone other than another Charter member of The Family.

5. Age groups for sexual relationships

                No sexual activity is permitted for those under the age of 14.

                Teenagers aged 14 and 15 may date others aged 14 through 17, but only with parental permission; and any sexual activity is strictly limited to kissing and petting.

                Promiscuous sexual behavior is not allowed. Our governing Charter permits 16- and 17-year-old members to have sexual activity if they so desire, but only with consenting partners ages 16 to 20. However, they are not permitted to engage in intercourse without parental permission. Furthermore, decisions regarding any potential sexual relationships should be made in counsel with their parents or guardians, taking into account the young person's maturity, as well as their willingness and ability to take responsibility for their actions.

                Those who are 18, 19, or 20 years old may engage in sexual activity with other Charter members who are up to seven years older than themselves. Thus, for example, with mutual consent, an 18-year-old may have sex with those up to age 25.

6. Sexual relationships between adults and teens

                With the exception of the rule governing 18- through 20-year-olds stated in point 5 above, members over the age of 21 will be excommunicated for engaging in sexual activity with those under the age of 21. There is also an exception for couples who are both over 18 years of age and are engaged to be married; in which case they may only have sexual contact after first completing a three month period of engagement.

7. Homosexuality

                Male-with-male sexual relationships are specifically condemned and severely judged by Scripture. [5] We have therefore ruled that any male members found engaging in any such sexual activity will be excommunicated from our communities. Although Scripture does not specifically prohibit female-with-female sexual affection, exclusive female lesbian relationships are not permitted in our communities.

8. Sexual abuse of children

                We are diametrically opposed to any form of sexual abuse or sexual exploitation of children whatsoever, and all our membership are resolute in their agreement to abide by and support this position under penalty of expulsion from our communities and excommunication from our fellowship.

                Like all concerned parents, our members believe they should demonstrate or manifest love for their children in physical ways that the children can relate to. We believe that showing natural, warm, non-sexual affection to children, such as a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a clasp of their hand or a pat on the shoulder, is critical to their emotional well-being. Affection that goes beyond that, however, involving any form of obvious sexual touching of children, or any minor, for that matter, is strictly forbidden in all of our communities. We feel assured that our communities are in fact much safer places in this regard than one can find in much of society today.

9. Extramarital relationships

                Our communities do not prohibit sexual relations between a married person and someone other than that person's spouse. People are free to have relations with one another, provided that all parties involved are of legal age, knowledgeable and discrete in their conduct, and with the knowledge and consent of their spouse. However, care is to be taken that such relationships do not affect the stability of their marriage or are in any way detrimental to the care and well-being of their children or other children in the community. Again, we apply the principle of the Law of Love, that if such liberties are exercised, no participants or third parties should in any way be harmed or offended as a result.

10. Divorce

                Married couples are encouraged to resolve their differences, especially for the sake of their children. However, if after all available means of reconciliation, counseling, temporary separation and other efforts to resolve their differences fail, and both parties agree, couples may separate. They may seek, if they choose, a legal divorce and an amicable arrangement for the custody of the children.

11. Birth control

                We believe that every life that comes into this world is a deliberate creation of God. However, the decision to use or not to use birth control is regarded as an entirely personal matter between the individuals concerned and God. Individual members and couples decide for themselves, after prayerful consideration of our teachings, what they believe to be God's will in their lives.

12. Abortion

                Our Bible-based beliefs diametrically oppose abortion. While the final decision is the adult individual or couple's, it is our belief that life begins at conception and that only God should decide whether this new life should live or die. [6]

13. Sexually transmitted diseases

                New members applying to be accepted into a community in our fellowship must make known to that community any sexually transmitted diseases they may be carrying. All prospective members must be medically examined and be shown to be free of AIDS, and have no signs or symptoms of any other contagious diseases before they can be admitted as full-time members of a community. New members of legal age must agree to abstain from any sexual contact with any other community member for at least six months from the time they enter the community. [7] To protect the health of our members and children in particular, considering the close quarters of communal living, any applicant testing positive for HIV cannot be accepted as a resident of one of our communities, nor are they permitted to have sex with any other person within our fellowship. They may retain membership and work with other members, but must live apart from the community. Any member suffering from any sexual disease or irritation must abstain from sex until health is fully restored.

14. Pornography

                Our publishing policy is to only print what is a natural, normal, tasteful portrayal of human sexuality that is of artistic or educational value, and that give credit to God's beautiful design and creation. But while we take no offense at classical and artistic depictions of the human body, we do not produce, promote or in any way condone pornographic literature, photos or videos, nor do we accept, print or publish any photographic or graphic illustrations of sexually offensive or illegal practices or perversions.

15. Polygamy

                Although polygamy has some basis in Scripture, and though some countries, cultures and religions allow it, legally contracted monogamous marriages remain the norm for members of The Family. The Family has no official policy on polygamy, neither forbidding nor encouraging it as long as legal requirements are adhered to.

16. Incest

                We in no way condone or allow any form of incestuous sexual relationships whatsoever among our membership. Any adult member found engaging in an incestuous act will be immediately expelled from our communities, and excommunicated from our fellowship. If married, the spouse of the offender is free to stay or leave as they wish.

17. Prostitution

                No member of any home or community in our fellowship is allowed to engage in any form of prostitution. This policy is further reinforced by the fact that since 1987, full-time members, under penalty of excommunication, are not allowed to have sexual relationships with those who are not Charter members of The Family.

                The policies expressed in this Statement apply to Charter Family communities known as "Charter Homes" governed by the Family's "Charter of Rights and Responsibilities," from which the policies herein are taken. Should any of the stated policies not be considered legal in some countries, our Charter mandates that members check the local laws regarding their activities in the country where they live.

                (Attitudes, Conduct, Current Beliefs and Teachings Regarding Sex was first published March 1993 and updated November 1998.)

Notes:

                [1] Titus 1:15

                [2] Galatians 3:13

                [3] Romans 14:13

                [4] Scriptural basis of the Law of Love principle: “Jesus said …, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.  This is the first and great commandment.  And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.  On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets” (Matthew 22:37-40); “For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Galatians 5:14);  “For the commandments, ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not bear false witness,’ ‘You shall not covet,’ and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law” (Romans 13:9,10, NKJV).

                [5] See Bible references: Romans 1:27; Leviticus 18:22; Genesis 18:20-22; 19:1-29.

                [6] See Bible references: Deuteronomy 27:25; Psalm 106:38; 139:13-16.

                [7] If the new … member is married, and their spouse joins with them, they may have sex with their spouse.

Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family