Trying to understand

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Posted by on August 23, 2010 at 04:51:08

I'm 36,married,a mother of two,and a former member of the Family.I got out when I was 14.I have tried to make a normal life for myself but it's been hard.I still have nightmares about the past.There were 7 kids in my immediate family(I am the oldest)and most of them have problems directly related to their upbringing and time spent in the Family.The abuse has haunted and changed us all.I don't even tell people about it because it so wierd.As an adult and a mother,I have a difficult time understanding that serving God required such horrible sacrifices.I want to forgive and move on with my life.But the past just won't go away.It is amazing that I even believe in God.My mother is still very involved with the Family and refuses to see how destructive it has been to all of her children.My reaction over the years has been to distance myself from everything even remotely related to the Family.What happened to Ricky was heartbreaking.One of my brothers just passed away and it looks like suicide,another brother is on heavy medication and is severely depressed from his experiences in the Family,my sister had a nervous breakdown two years ago.So,I feel like I just can't get away from the past.I have a great husband and my daughter(19)just had a baby.My son (16)is deaf and has special needs and he is my inspiration.I have alot to be thankful for and yet I'm sad and scared often.I worry too much and I suffer over MY family.I have looked for a support group but its hard to talk about with people that haven't been there.I was in the Family from age 2 to 14.And it has overshadowed my life in the worst way.Any helpful advice?

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