Posted by long time exer on January 30, 2011 at 19:27:23
In Reply to: Re: Need more specifics posted by alexander on January 30, 2011 at 09:21:18:
It sounds like she has a psychiatrist, and it would be important for her to invite you to speak with him or her. I don't know if she has researched Women's Centers, because they often have great referrals for therapists that work with survivors of domestic abuse and incest. Who and where she seeks out help needs to be her decision. Also, it would be really inappropriate for a psychiatrist to talk to you about a client without the client initiating the connection. Further, you'll need to stop searching personal territory like her computer. It was not necessary. Of course she hates when people tell her what to do because in the cult environment, everything was monitored and more than just her parents likely abused her. The best thing you can do for her is support her getting help and accept her for where she is at. Healing will likely take years and scars do remain. Whatever you do, don't be parental with her. She desperately needs space to discover her sexual identity, her preferences, and you need to stay out of it other than offering your support and availability to talk to her doctor or others- wanting to be a support. She will likely be justifiably angry with you if you try and make these connections without her, just as she would be furious if she knew you went through her computer. If you think she is seeking your "care" then ask her directly. Ask her: Is there something you would like for me to do? I'd like to talk to your doctor if that would be okay with you..
She needs to know decisions made are hers. Not yours or anyone elses. That's my take on it.
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