Re: What to do? You did plenty

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Posted by Farmer on September 28, 2011 at 13:29:03

In Reply to: Re: What to do? posted by Abused as a child on September 28, 2011 at 05:07:34:

Dear A.a.a.c. ....soooo touching what you write...if that were part of a Bollywood-movie and me part of the movie...I guess I would bow down to touch your feet or the earth besides it...scenes of respect I got to like over the ages...respect of that inside of the person (you, in this case, in the movies mostly the elders...not always ) manworship though

Anyway really veeeery deep.
For one you did the right thing first of all: exposing abuse.Though you're not explicit about it... and we also had recently some genX-discussions about it...about clarifying things...I will not ask you for further information or introduction...I am just happy you post so freely...meaning I just assume that you talk about TFI...though we had others posting here, speaking about TFI-unrelated abuse.Abuse is evil nonetheless and in TFI it was done even with a grin I suppose...of being so "terribly" free through that rotter, justifying by rubbish-letters what you cannot justify...only if you allow your mind to go into "warped orbit"...

I figure you also did the writing/publishing also for yourself...trying to rid yourself a bit of the get it out into the light
Again, though you did not explicitly say it, the world/the right people, needs to be warned about what appeared to be a somewhat fundamental "Christian sect"...but has become rather a sex-religion-cult....Sex is beautiful in its boudaries I believe.TFI crossed that heavily...again I say with an arrogant laughter/smile/"happiness"...though some seemed just so incredibly stupid and naive to believe the dished out...

Well...I am curious what you wrote...may be I did read it can if you want to ...still my curiosity by writing to my address...if that should suit you at all...but is really independant of what you came to post for I don't want to discuss further here for your privacies sake the subject of what you if you have time or like to, you could tell me at:

I think speaking the truth...exposing things... have been the first "heroic triumph" of you in this context...though it can - may be - be in the limelight???I am just assuming here...since I don't know the details...

So that was a "job"/work in my eyes...something which already cost you...inwardly...I'd say...many abuse-victims cannot talk for years about it...for shame....I figure.The worst is,that some blame even the victims of having provoked any such ghastly deeds or they immagine it...again the threshhold in TFI was lowered by "Bergian idealogy"...the victims "enjoy it"...since it's real love...what everybody needs is love (right, but not sex...Berg got it all warped...and we in consequence) and it was thus a free ride invitation for the wrong people.
Innocent people like you... sweet, younger/weaker people like you got abused by those who are stronger...older...should thus exploited your trust.

Hence such young lives/worlds were tarnished/damaged...shattered...and one wonders, how any such soul and when???Sad to say...I don't know...but I think the world is really in dire need to know, what hopes can be given to souls with such grave, bad experiences.
I have a book about that, but sad to say haven't read it yet...may be you have some more answers...things to say along the line???

I already heard/read that some intellectuals try to downplay such similitude of TFI...all the more the importance to publish things of those who are in the know...

You've done was right...and now you cannot gather, collect all the copies to protect the "happy life" of some family.

Next heroic deed you did, you chose to forgive someone who seemed genuinely sorry in your was within your power...and I praise you for hat.I am really, deeply touched.May you reap abundant rewards in your life (and beyond)
You wrote:
I also met his daughter and grandson. I have no idea if he ever abused them, but they all live together as a family, and on the surface look quite happy. But then you never know, because people who are abused can appear normal and happy on the outside.
None of them had so far been aware I had published my story, but now it's only a matter of time before they find out.
It is not me who should be ashamed or trying to hide. It has been liberating to shed the power of dark secrets over my soul, by exposing them and speaking openly about my abuse.
Yet, I found myself wanting to protect them, especially the daughter and grandson, from what I had written. I could imagine a scenario where his daughter confronted him and he killed himself.
I don't know what I should do.

Let me emphasize this part of your post:

It is not me who should be ashamed or trying to hide. It has been liberating to shed the power of dark secrets over my soul, by exposing them and speaking openly about my abuse.

There are some journeys-board-like-thoughts I wouldn't want you or others to stumble over...I felt like posting some things really remain by the guidelines of the boards..

But the thought is may be acceptable even on this board: Loving your neighbour doesn't exclude loving yourself...liberating yourself...writing things of yourself/your chest...speaking the truth is also suits in warning others.What is bad needs to be exposed least named as such...wherever it is appropiate.

TFI never really apologised in depth, what I would consider a rightful apology, an appropiate one.Even the Catholic church seems further ahead than who is clearly wrong here??Obviously it is TFI...Zerby and all the "rotten leftovers"...I like that picture ; ) ...really no tasteful, nourishing good ---unpoisoned---spiritual food came from them...most of the time...exceptions I make allowance for...that is also what kept us/me in.

So if they haven't yet read what you be they live in a dreamworld...; ) sorry my sarcasm.Clearly, it would have been better, if you had met them under circumstances of "clear fronts" for all involved.I am a bit of a news-junkie...I am afraid to say...too many interests...but I find it strange, that that family is really "under-exposed"...when it comes to light/information/news/truth...that is not your fault.But now you have the thought, what becomes of their "happiness" if they find out...especially the younger generation.

Well, suppose he didn't abuse his children or they haven't experienced abuse by any other...still they should know sooner or later, that they have an abusive father...grandfather, though in remorse, which is good.That is IMO part of the "deal"...of real freedom...real joy...not on the "sandy" foundation of lies and camouflage things.

I bought a few used cars after TFI...and always it was the question: what do those used car have as a history...what do the last owners hide etc.

Is that a happy fair deal...when you get betrayed...and later the rust breaks through again?

Only if the truth is out, you know better, how someone relates to you...millionaires make easy friends...paupers ...beggars...crushed existences...rather not.That's where you find out the real "golden friends and relatives".As my own children are older now...adults...I would also like to have greater closeness to them...a live-in family-life.I never sexually abused anybody...and I think I did my levelbest...they hardly experienced TFI I must add... to raise them, provide for them and it hurts, if they distance themselves more than wished...but that seems part of growing up.I cannot construct happiness just according to my prefererances...I wanted to say.I learn...though very give up.Crushing experience, I'd say.

You did, what you can do and that was wonderful...telling the truth and forgiving.Now you wonder in my opinion a bit too much, how you can save their supposed happiness.Their happiness also doesn't depend entirely on what you do or don't do.Many more factors are involved.

Did the father once you managed over all those years...showing concern?Did he ask, what he could do now for you?Isn't the minimum...pretty big minimum be honest with his offspring??.Aren't you the younger generation showig the older how to act...sharing the truth..forgiving or asking for forgiveness??

I think it could be useful, to have another "protected mode"...with the then abuser/father.You can ask him, whether he abused others...whether his children got to his knowlege abused or whether he's unsure about it, whether he find out more...whether it was a subject in that family, to talk about the past.Also, how did he get "converted"...without reading what you did he realise his crime/sin??I am curious....consciousness???

It could be, that they have just a could we know...outsiders.People often show their salesmenship-smile....though I fancy myself to know when someone genuinly smiles out of deep happiness.You can only find out by asking more details and I personally think, that is the least he owes you, frank, honest answers...frankly I think he should go beyond that...whatever his capability.

You're are a hero in my eyes/view mixed with great humility and I wish you sincerely all the best...

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