Posted by long time exer on March 02, 2012 at 18:51:22
In Reply to: Re: You wouldn't have been number 5 posted by IFT on March 02, 2012 at 17:21:37:
For quite awhile after leaving TF I was unaware how the past piggyback rides on the current. For example, I stayed with someone after leaving and a bad storm came thru and I thought it was my fault. God was bringing bad things on the people I was staying with and I was harming us all because of my rebellion to God. It wasn't just losses from the storm, it was all the "tapes" in my head about how God could harm me or my kids or people that were helping me because I left. When the Gulf War started, I went into this sort of PTSD mode of feeling like maybe it was Gaddafi's Magic Lamp time, a huge nuclear war might break out. I didn't believe the family teachings when I thought about them, but I still felt them. That did change, but I was deeply affected by the message that if you leave, you risk bad things happening to you or to loved ones or both. That is God, the hitman.
For anyone readying this, it's not a religious thread because it is about thought processes related to coming out of TF rather than religious views. While it is true that many things are not related to that past, many things are and how current events are viewed can be influenced by it. That is true for people who have never been in the Family but grew up in families where there was dysfunction. Most families, anywhere in the world, have some degree of dysfunction, but a cult environment or living with a batterer, and/or emotionally abusive person has some lasting effect. What can feel really bad is when things I hated or were hurtful to me ended up coming out of my own mouth or via my own actions towards someone else. At the same time, yes, there are positive points in life and it helps to look at those, too. I wish you well as you walk thru your hard time, and, in time, there will be better days.
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