In Reply to: Reclaiming our brains ... and our faith posted by Donny on June 13, 2003 at 16:47:10:
I look at the way North Koreans have been programmed since birth. I do see the similarities. Now that the fam. cult has so many SGs in it, I think there will be major changes. It is a tide not so easily controlled because they have been under such rigid control since birth, and rebellion is a natural part of separation in life stages. The stronger the abuse and control, the stronger the natural and needed rebellion.
I feel shell shocked still at times. I am one who burnt out and was ready to die by plane crash (did not happen) when I left. Anything bad that happened to people around me, I felt like it was my fault. To top it off I did not have family of origin that was safe, and had learned not to trust way before the family.
I am realizing how thoroughly the family cut off interpersonal relationships. Friends, families, couples were routinely and repeatedly separated in so many instances.
I carried so much condemnation and the defiance that was what helped me to survive my family of origin now felt like the DEVIL; so much so, that I asked Jesus to get the f*** out of my life when I was STILL in the family.
I doubt that I was the only one that did that. I hated the name of Jesus and God. It is still hard to stomach, but I have come to believe there is a loving force in the universe.
When I left, I remember getting a temporary social security card. I used my first legal name which might as well have been "143678".
I think the fam. experience, after getting out, after longterm membership, is similar also to being institutionalized. It is hard to know even what to be called by name! Or what are my values? My morals? My political beliefs?
I think of that movie "Les Miserables" with Liam Neeson, when his character goes to pick up Cousette. She is a very abused child who a greedy family took in and drained resources from the mother while treating the child as a servant and abusing her. He comes to the inn to retrieve her but it is not known why he is there yet. He sees her yelled and screamed at as she curls up under a table to darn socks of her masters. Her "guardians" even offer her up for sex to the stranger. He asks how much it costs to buy her time. Then they raise the money and then he pays and just tells her that he just wants her to play. She looks at the bad guardians and asks if it is true that she can play and then they say yes "PLAY. Go PLAY!!" Then she crawls back under the table to continue darning the sock. She doesn't even know how to play.
I think for many of us, coming out of the family is like this. Thanks for this topic.