In Reply to: Re: not an answer yet posted by Kathy on August 10, 2003 at 18:43:14:
It is good your daughter has come to forgive you and is able to reconcile your role in her past. Personally I don't really hold my parents responsible, I figure after a certain point I was responsible for myself and anyway, in order to grow in my life I feel I need to take that responsibility. It's not that I 'beat' myself into guilt, I just look at it practically:
'This was the life I lived and was raised in, it made me what I am today, and I can't change it, so there's no use making my parents feel badly about it'.
But I didn't have any horribly abusive experiences while in the group, perhaps if I had, I would have different feelings towards my parents.
Interesting too about the jealousy towards her sibling. I have 3 siblings who have been raised pretty much out of the group and given a lot of things my full-blood siblings didn't receive, and I have sometimes thought it wasn't fair, but fortunately we are all fiercly close and for some odd reason there has never been a feeling of 'you aren't our family cause you're not from our mom' or things like that. I think if anything we are all closer to each other than we are to our parents.
But yes, healing is good and when it happens it feels wonderful, but it comes in its own sweet time and before it comes there is a lot of anger and negativity.