In Reply to: Attitude toward my adult child in the Family posted by Laura on September 08, 2003 at 16:26:43:
The situation of an adult child raised in a cult who chooses to remain is different than my own, but there are some parallels you may find useful.
I left TF when my twin boys were born, in some measure because I did not want them to be rasied as a social experiment. My exhusband and I raised them as "systemites"--at some sacrifice to my own counter-cultural ideals, I might add. In its way, the world can be as dangerous and destructive as a religious cult.
On one level, my sons have turned out just fine: They are both engineers, married, responsible and socially conscious citizens. They are very funny people. On another level, I see so many of my own mistakes carried over into their lives.
One son has difficulty communicating with his wife, who can be immature and demanding. He works all the time and takes classes in a Master's program--a workaholic avoiding issues in his marriage? I don't know, but that was my pattern.
My other son has learned to communicate a little more effectively than his brother (or father), but he sure likes to drink alcohol. I suspect he has the family disease (alcoholism), but has a way to go before he reaches his bottom. He has trouble understanding why I no longer use alcohol. He does not understand the cunning, powerful and baffling nature of this disease I passed on to him.
I worry about my adult children, just as you worry about your daughter in Africa. I think often about how my children are paying for my mistakes. And there is absolutely nothing I can do to change things. I can, however, be steadfast in the present and open to the future.