In Reply to: A good topic! Thanks MG. posted by MG (reposted) on September 09, 2003 at 15:39:58:
I have reached that conclusion. My sister (who is 14, not in the group, but goes to a Christian school) told me that everyone sins. I told her:
I don't sin anymore. I make mistakes and I screw up, but I don't sin.
What a release from condemnation and guilt to realise that life is life and the mistakes that you make are part of it. A major part of me wanting to leave the group was when I woke up one morning and opened up a new GN, and it just hit me that I would never be good enough, no matter how hard I tried to pray, praise, love, forgive, be humble, submit, follow, yield, trust, give...., there was always going to be something I was doing wrong and I would never really receive all of the blessings God had in store for me.
So I said, "forget it, I'll do it on my own without God's help, since I'm never going to live up to these standards anyway, esp. after trying for most of my life!"
I wasn't a bad person, I wasn't always getting "breakings" and being "on the bench" and having desperate prayer over my countless sins. I towed the line, I loved God, I tried to be faithful to teach others to teach others, to uphold the standard, to profess my beliefs and live a righteous life.
But it was not enough, never enough, always seemed to be something I was falling short in. Which then lead to the never-ending guilt trip and condemnation, which carried over to my marriage and relationships with others cause I was trying harder and trying to lift everyone up to try harder.
But now I refuse to condemn myself for eating a piece of chocolate, for watching a horror movie, for having a tequila shot, for spending 3 hours window shopping, for spending half a day reading a novel. And neither do I smoke, not cause it's a sin, but cause I choose not to for health reasons, the same with other things I have chosen not to do.
So yes, personal responsiblity, it took awhile to find my bearings, and there are areas I'm still sorting out, but it is a great freedom to be truly responsible for one's self and the choices you make. Now I have noone to blame and noone to praise but myself for mistakes and success.