In Reply to: my dilemma posted by Acheick on January 07, 2004 at 13:58:47:
Achiek, you and I are much closer in our faith journey than I ever imagined. For some reason, I'd gotten the impression that you are a Bible believing Christian. I have very mixed feelings about scripture. On the one hand, I have always loved reading and meditating on scripture--there have been times in my life when the words were truly living water. On the other hand, I have formally studied scripture and thought long and hard about the many ways in which it is used to oppress and control people.
If you have trouble accepting a god that would compel a bear to attack and eat a bunch of bratty kids, take it one step further: I have trouble accepting belief in a god that requires blood sacrifice of the innocent and blameless as a means of atonement. I don't want this posting to provoke a theological debate, but simply put, it is hard for me to accept Paul's soteriology, i.e., the orthodox explanation for Jesus' crucifixion as a redemptive act of atonement. The higher power I know and trust does not require the suffering and death of anyone--much less of himself in the form of Christ on the cross--in order to bridge the gap between the human and divine.
I hesitate to talk about any of this stuff, in large part because I find it so difficult to use the word "God" or "god." I think there are many conceptions of God (as supreme being), and I don't assume that just because someone uses the term "God" that we necessarily share the same experience of higher power. For this reason, I try to go beyond concepts (boxes) about who and what I think God is and put my faith in what I personally experience as boundless, ineffable, compassionate mystery. Although my approach is probably more Buddhist than Christian, I cannot for a moment deny that I am engaged in some kind of relationship with the spirit of Jesus bin Miriam. I just can't tell you with great certainty exactly what it is.
This works for me primarily because I have a high tolerance for ambiguity. Did you ever try to match "white" paint chips at the hardware store? In my experience, there are endless shades of blacks that are black, whites that are white, and grays that are gray.