In Reply to: afterthoughts posted by Freeatlast! on March 22, 2004 at 22:33:03:
I am really glad to read your posts because what I am seeing since you left the family only recently, and you are relating to an SG post, I realize there are things that affected us all across the board which remained in slightly altered form at times to keep us where we were..stuck and away from THINKING outside of the family's box.
I think all that praying about everything and that whole line of thinking is what is referred to as "thought stopping". When every moment of your life (where you will go, when you get in a car, when you eat,shit,cross the street or whatever needs a prayer and expects an answer the is in line with Maria's multiple-personality poltergeist-in-her-brain ala her most loyal followers) then it is impossible to truly THINK for yourself. I don't think people in the helping fields of psychology and psychiatry can even fathom the depth of what it is like to leave a group like that and then start thinking and deciding for yourself while feeling God could strike you dead at any second for being "out of it". The longer you use your brain without the blah-blah, the better it gets.
I am so glad that you are out and filling in more of the story. Another thing was your comment about "jingles", like: "It takes blobs for the job". At the time I left, the goal was the opposite and we were in small mobile units for the most part. (end of 82).
The part I can still struggle with is guilt for having "idle" time and not "working". Even though it is not related to the family, it carries over into other areas like if I have a "lazy" day and don't do everything I am supposed to do.
I would also very much like to hear what ways the family changed since the time I left and how they are most recently.
Something tells me they are like a chameleon, they appear to change to fit the background, but the reptile is still the same.
Thanks so much for your writings. :)